The most legit vegetarian BBQ you're ever gonna find. Really.

This is a bit of a labor of love that I've been working on for a while now. While I normally avoid vegetarian facsimiles of meaty meals, this is an exception. Even as a vegetarian for decades, I still occasionally miss the smoky goodness of a pulled pork sandwich or the tangy richness of a brisket slow cooked all night then finished with homemade bbq sauce. Developing a good, realistic-tasting BBQ sandwich has been on my to-do list for a long time. So long, in fact, that I 'test kitchened' this recipe extensively the last few months, making literally dozens of different variations, until I landed on this, the ideal vegetarian bbq sandwich. It is smoky, tangy, rich, satisfying. 

You can also probably use smoked seitan or smoked jackfruit instead of tofu, though I haven't developed a recipe for either of these yet. 

Note that I also use homemade BBQ sauce for this. Just about every store-bought sauce is too sugary and without adequate vinegary bite to make this recipe work. So I don't recommend you use any store-bought BBQ sauce. 

Finally, you'll need some way to smoke some of your ingredients. You can obviously use a standalone outdoor smoker. I actually use an indoor smoker: the Nordic Ware kettle smoker. Don't own a smoker? NO PROBLEM! The internet is loaded with different ways to make your own homemade version. Most of these require little more than a Dutch oven with a heavy lid, some aluminum foil, a steamer basket or strainer, and smoker wood chips (available online or at any gourmet store or retailer that sells grilling supplies). It's easy to make either an outdoor version or a stovetop version for smoking inside.

This makes about 6 'brisket' sandwiches.

Prep time: 3 cocktails

Tofu + Marinade
1 15-ounce brick of tofu
3 TBSP orange juice
3 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
2 TBSP soy sauce
3 TBSP red wine

Several dashes of MSG or dried mushroom powder (optional)

~1/2 cup smoked walnuts (optional, see note below)

The BBQ sauce

6 TBSP butter 

1 cup of my Bold Boulder BBQ Sauce

2 tsp brown sugar

2 tsp agave or honey

Fixings

Buns

Grated high-end white cheddar

Chopped scallions

Pickled red onions (you can use any basic online recipe)

Additional optional toppings: coleslaw, chopped pickles, fresh or pickled jalepeno, thinly sliced fresh cucumber or radish, fried shallots, avocado pieces, and/or caramelized onions.

Note on walnuts: I like to add smoked walnuts to this for two reasons: the walnuts absorb a lot of flavor when smoked, so they turbocharge the flavor of the sandwiches. The walnuts also have a texture that mimics meat a little bit when chopped up and combined with tofu. It's not exact, but it is a nice addition. Walnuts should be dry smoked (so you cannot smoke them with the tofu). I've found that 20-30 minutes is usually plenty of time in my kettle smoker, but results will vary. After smoked, transfer smoked nuts to a food processor and pulse a few times until you have mostly little pieces halfway between the size of Nerds candy pieces or a bit smaller (don't overmix, or else you risk making smoked walnut butter). Add the walnuts to the tofu after the tofu is done cooking on the stovetop in the BBQ sauce. The amount you use isn't super important, but I usually start with about 3/4 cups of whole walnuts, which breaks down to about 1/2 cup of crumbles in the food processor. 

Start the meal preparation by pressing the tofu for 1-2 hours in a tofu press or wrapped in a towel and placed under a heavy pan or books. After pressed, pat tofu dry and cut into 1" cubes. Now combine all the marinade ingredients EXCEPT the tofu and walnuts in a mixing bowl and whisk well. Combine tofu cubes and marinade in an airtight container and allow to marinade a minimum of 90 minutes and up to 24 hours, stirring gently occasionally.

Now smoke the tofu pieces. The method will vary depending on your smoker, so it may require some experimentation. For my Nordic Ware kettle smoker, I do a 60 minute "wet" smoke at 190F on the stovetop with hickory wood chips. The liquid I like to use for smoking is 2 cans of beer, which gives the tofu a bit of extra flavor. Allow to cool to room temperature after smoking. 

About now, you want to preheat your oven to 300F.

Once the tofu has cooled, you want to cut it into smaller pieces that are easier to eat. So slice each 1" cube into 4 thin square pats, about the size and shape of single-serve foil-wrapped butter squares that you might get at a catered event with your dinner roll. Set aside. (Note that you can also shred the tofu to make "pulled pork" style tofu here instead, if you'd like.)

Now make the sauce by melting the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Once melted, add the Bold Bolder BBQ sauce, sugar, and honey. Stir until everything gets hot and starts to simmer. Whisk it, or, ideally, use an immersion blender, until the sauce is fully integrated. Now add your cooled tofu pieces and stir very gently with a rubber spatula, so as to not break the tofu. Bring bbq sauce/tofu to a boil and remove from heat. Now stir in those walnut pieces, if using. 

Now build your sandwiches: take a standard size cookie sheet and line with foil. Put your ~6 bun bottoms on the pan and top with the bbq tofu mixture. Now top each sandwich with a couple generous pinches of white cheddar and place the pan uncovered in the oven (you can also put the bun tops in the oven to toast as well, if you want). 

Since tofu should already be warm, all you need to do is melt the cheese, so the sandwiches likely only need to be in the oven for a few minutes. Once the cheese is melted, remove, add the scallions, pickled onions, and any of the optional ingredients you might also be using. Affix the top bun and enjoy!

How to doctor fake burger meat

Have you ever noticed that Impossible and Beyond imitation ground beef smells like goddamn catfood when you open it? And while both fake meats taste a lot more like burgers compared with the fake meat product of yesteryear, they still aren't marvelous. This is my quick hack to make those products taste (and smell) a lot better!

You can also get creative with this. In addition to what's below, I sometimes add dried mushroom powder or fresh mushroom pieces, very finely minced onion, fresh herbs, or spices. Just try to remember that you're just doctoring the meat, not making meatloaf, so no need to overdo it! 

12 ounce package Impossible or Beyond fake ground beef
1/4 cup crouton dust (use the food processor to pulverize the croutons)
1 TBSP Worcestershire
1 1/2 tsp liquid smoke
1 TBSP raw scrambled egg or Just Egg
1/2 tsp MSG
Healthy dose of black pepper
2-3 pinches garlic powder
A couple pinches sugar (optional)

Mix all ingredients well with your hands and then form into patties and cook in your normal manner.

Vegan Sloppy Joes

One of many foods I haven't been able to give up after childhood, Sloppy Joes have been a favorite comfort foods of mine for decades. The main difference now is that I typically enjoy it with a couple cold, crisp PBRs instead of chocolate milk. Progress. 

This recipe calls for textured vegetable protein, or TVP. You can find TVP in the bulk aisle of any natural food store. TVP is a fairly processed ingredient, so if you’re looking for something a little more natural, you can certainly substitute a couple cups cooked lentils, crumbled tempeh, or raw crumbled silken tofu for the prepared TVP, though the consistency won’t be quite as Sloppy-Joe-like.

Prep time: 2 cocktails

1 cup ketchup (homemade or store bought will do)
1 TBSP white vinegar
3 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
1 TBSP molasses
¾ tsp mustard powder
Lots of freshly ground pepper
1 TBSP soy sauce
20 drops of liquid smoke
¾ cup TVP
2 cups boiling water
3 TBSP olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
2 jalapenos, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
Whole wheat buns
Sliced avocado (optional)
Soft-fried eggs (optional)

Combine first 8 ingredients in a small mixing bowl and whisk well. Set aside.

In another mixing bowl, combine the TVP and boiling water. Then stir, cover, and set aside for TVP to fully hydrate.

In a large skillet or wok, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion, jalapenos, and bell peppers and sauté until onion turns transparent and peppers soften a bit, about 7 minutes. Add garlic and sauté another 3-4 minutes, stirring frequently.

Strain out excess water from the TVP with a mesh strainer.

Now add the sauce mixture from the first mixing bowl and stir well. Once it reaches a boil, add TVP. Reduce heat a bit and continue to simmer, stirring frequently, until you have reached proper Sloppy Joe consistency—usually about 5 minutes. Serve hot on buns with optional avocado slices and/or egg. Beer or chocolate milk are both great accompaniments. 

Jamaican Black Bean Burgers

My buddy Arturo has been nagging me since I started this food blog to post this recipe. So I think I better dedicate this one to him.

This one isn't nearly as spicy as some of my other jerk recipes. It just has a nice, full Caribbean flavor. Along with the cucumber and papaya, this makes an absolutely delicious meal (ignore the radishes and lettuce in the picture--I ate all the cucumber before I got around to photographing).

The mayonnaise and Pickapeppa are also totally indispensible in this recipe. If you don't already know and love Pickapeppa, I can tell you that it is the single greatest substance known to man. Seriously. It's a Jamaican barbecue sauce made with cloves, mango, and other delicious tidbits. Pickapeppa is available at any large grocery store or natural food market. It makes everything delicious--from eggs to steak to Jamaican sushi. And for Chrissakes, make your own mayonnaise. It takes less than 2 minutes and is far better than the garbage you buy at the store.

Note that if you wish to save some time, you can use store-bought jerk paste, but the spiciness and saltiness of different varieties varies significantly, so be sure to taste as you go.

Prep time: 2 cocktails

1/2 cup vegetable or olive oil, divided
2 cans drained black beans, drained, rinsed, and mashed by hand or in food processor
1 egg, beaten
¾ cup bread crumbs
½ cup oatmeal (not instant)
¼ cup white flour
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 cup jerk paste (click here for recipe)
½ tsp salt
Pepper to taste
1-2 papayas or mangoes, peeled, seeded, and sliced
1 cucumber, sliced
Mayonnaise, homemade (click here for recipe)
Pickapeppa
6-8 buns

In a large bowl, combine 1 TBSP of the oil, beans, egg, bread crumbs, oatmeal, flour, onion, garlic, jerk, salt and pepper. Stir well. Let sit 10 minutes.

In a large frying pan, heat the remaining oil over medium heat. When hot, scoop out a half cup of the mixture and form with your hands into a patty shape (if you have wet hands, this will be easier… and if dough is still too sticky to work with, add another TBSP or two of flour, until it becomes workable). Cook for 5 minutes on each side, or until browned, firm, and a bit crisp. Add more oil, to the pan, if necessary.

Serve on buns with slices of papaya, cucumber, mayonnaise, and Pickapeppa.

Behold the Almighty Beet Burger

Beet burgers??? HELL YES! Of everything I've cooked over the years for my friends and family, these beet burgers are the most requested, praised, and quickly devoured. These are so damn good that I challenge any meat eater to honestly tell me they aren't delicious. If I see any such comment, I'll come to your house and eat my first real hamburger in 15 years. I'm that sure.

This is one of the few recipes that will appear on this blog that is not my own. But it is so good, I just have to share it. The recipe is adapted from a wonderful cookbook called Recipes from America’s Small Farms. It is a phenomenal book that has tons of great recipes and advice for eating locally and seasonally. I can't say enough good things about this cookbook. Buy. It. Now.

I probably don't need to tell you, but great toppings can include blue cheese crumbles, horseradish, Pickappeppa sauce, wasabi, fresh herbs, watercress, mayonnaise, heirloom tomato slices, pickled jalapeños, avocado, fake or real bacon, melted cheese, etc. Also, I've got an incredible homemade BBQ sauce recipe that I'll post soon.

Makes about 15 burgers. Prep time: 2 cocktails

½ cup sesame seeds

2 cups grated beets (roughly 2 large beets)

2 cups grated carrots (roughly 3 large carrots)

1 cup cooked brown rice

1 cup cheddar or pepper jack cheese

1 cup raw, shelled sunflower seeds

2-3 large eggs, beaten

3 TBSP flour

½ large onion, chopped fairly finely

¼ cup corn or vegetable oil

¼ cup Italian flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped

4 cloves garlic, minced

2 TBSP soy sauce

1 TBSP red chili flakes

Lots of ground black pepper

½ cup crumbled feta or goat cheese (chèvre) (optional)

Additional fresh herbs like basil, oregano, thyme or cilantro (optional)

1 TBSP Worcestershire sauce + 1 Tbsp additional flour (optional)

Buns and fixings

Preheat oven to 350.

Heat small, dry frying pan on medium heat. When hot, add sesame seeds. Stir almost continuously until seeds are toasted and brown, but not burned. Remove immediately and transfer to large mixing bowl.

Add all other ingredients to bowl. Mix well.

Coat a cookie sheet really well with cooking spray. Form mixture into patties of normal hamburger size and shape. Cook 25-30 minutes or until cooked through. Remove, let cool a minute, and eat like regular burgers.