All-purpose coconut "alfredo"

Once in a while I want to make something that calls for some sort of basic creamy sauce, whether it's for vodka cream sauce, a hearty addition to a gnocchi or baked pasta dish, a white-sauce pizza, my Chicken Montego Bay facsimile, or just a plain cream sauce for a vitisting friend's kid, keeping this on hand in the refrigerator or freezer (or making it real quickly on the spot) always cones in handy. You can also make this vegan with fake butter and Parmesan without losing too much of the great flavor. 

Prep time: 1 cocktail (but ideally you can let the flavors meld for a few hours or overnight)

3 TBSP butter of vegan butter
4 cloves garlic, very, very finely minced
1 14-ounce can unsweetened coconut milk (or, ideally, coconut cream, if available)

1-2 tsp lemon juice

1 tsp dijon
2 TBSP nutritional yeast
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup pretty well packed parmesan, grated with a microplane (or a vegan version)

Generous several grinds black pepper
A few pinches' worth of nutmeg, fresh grated with a microplane (optional)

A little tapioca starch (optional)

On medium to medium-high heat, melt the butter and then add the garlic, sautéing for about 2 minutes. 

Once garlic is fragrant and turning slightly golden, add coconut milk, lemon juice, dijon, nutritional yeast, and salt. Use a whisk to incorporate it all and keep using it, stirring nearly constantly, until the sauce reaches a boil. Reduce to a simmer and keep whisking often.

After reducing to a simmer, you can start adding the parmesan. Add it a few pinches at a time; if you dump it all in at once, it'll make a big glob of a cheese mess. Keep whisking as you slowly add all the cheese. Once it's all incorporated and melted, you can add pepper and nutmeg to taste. 

If you want a thicker alfredo, now you can add a little tapioca starch and whisk it in well. But I prefer to let it cook down slightly and then cool before a quick reheat to serve. This gives me the right consistency without tapioca starch. Either approach is fine!

As you finish the sauce, adjust lemon, salt, pepper, nutmeg, and nutritional years to taste. Remove from heat and serve or (ideally) let the flavors meld for a few hours before serving. 

Charred broccoli rabe, lemon, and faux sausage tossed with pasta

Broccoli rabe (also known as broccolini or rapini) is an absolute treat out of the early summer garden. I came up with this recipe a few months ago when we were harvesting it like crazy. It is an attempt to make something of a vegetarian Carbonara that incorporates our bounty of broccoli rabe, as well as a couple vegan sausages we had to use up. 

This does call for a specialty gadget: a rasp grater or Microplane. Don't be a loser and buy pre-grated parmesan cheese or cut a corner and try to grate this with something else. Take the $16 hit and buy one of these if you don't already have one. It makes an incredible tool for citrus zests, hard cheeses, chocolate, and frozen garlic for a variety of applications. I'm seriously watching you. DO NOT disappoint me the way you have already done with your parents!

Prep time: 2 cocktails

12 ounces bow tie (frfalle) or penne pasta
2 high-quality spicy Italian vegetarian sausages (like Beyond brand)
1-2 TBSP high-temperature cooking oil, like canola or avacado
2 grocery store bunches-worth of broccoli rabe, each piece cut into 2-3 more edible sizes
10 cloves garlic, minced
Juice of 1 lemon
4 eggs -- 2 whole eggs and 2 yolks only whisked in a small bowl
1 cup of fresh grated Parmesan with a microplane (I'm still watching you), plus extra for serving
Salt and pepper
Minced parsley and red chili flakes for garnish

Prepare pasta and rinse and set aside. Cook sausage in stovetop over medium heat until nicely browned. Remove and cut into 1/2" thick wheels.

Put oil into a frying pan over high heat. Once your pan gets very hot, add the broccoli rabe. The point here is to basically blacken parts of it, so make sure your pan is hot before adding. Fry it a few minutes until your desired amount of char is achieved, then turn off heat and stir in garlic. Saute another minute or until the garlic turns a bit golden but not browned or burned, then squeeze the lemon juice over the broccoli rabe and stir one last time. Transfer broccoli rabe and garlic to a plate. 

In a medium or large saucepan or dutch oven, heat the cooked and drained pasta over medium heat until it is nice and ward. Toss in a tiny dash of olive oil if it is sticking badly. Once pasta is nice and hot, add the egg and Parmesan, plus a lot of salt and pepper to taste. The goal is to have the egg cook just enough to have a creamy sauce-like consistency that sticks to the pasta but has a nice velvety texture and isn't fully cooked. This usually only takes a minute--maybe less. Once you're about at this point stir in broccoli rabe and remove from heat. Serve right away with additional parmesan, parsley, and chili flakes on top. 

Handmade pasta

This is my stock pasta recipe--good for any type of noodles or ravioli and tortellini. You can mix it up with herbs, squid ink, or spinach in the pasta. I prefer 00 flour because it is milled finer, which means the final noodles end up more soft and pillowy.

A vegan pasta is also easy to make, just substitute ground flax whisked with water. Use 3-4 TBSP of the flax meal and 3/4 cup of water.

10 ounces 00 flour
1 tsp salt
2 whole eggs
4 additional egg yolks

Mix ingredients well, then knead at least 10 minutes in stand mixer, add a touch of water or flour if the dough consistency isn't right--you want something like slightly firm Play-Doh that is smooth, firm, and elastic. Cover and let rest for 60 minutes, if possible (this will also enhance the texture, but you can skip if you're in a hurry). Divide into 4 equal balls and roll out dough with a rolling pin or pasta roller and cut noodles to desired thickness.

Toss directly into boiling salted water for 1-2 minutes or dust with flour and freeze.

Arugula pesto... Because I'm a cheap bastard

So last weekend, some friends came to visit. We were going to make a big arugula salad, but alas, we had too much food so we never got around to assembling the salad. So a sad bag of arugula languished in the back of the refrigerator for several days until I finally pulled it out last night. I was going to toss it since I'm actually not a lover of salads that are heavy on arugula. But that shit is expensive. So rather than toss it, I decided to try to do something with it. Because I'm afrugula.

Yep. That was a whole paragraph of buildup for a joke that your overly cheesy uncle Ray would be ashamed to tell. But rest assured, the pesto is much better than the humor around here.

Prep time: 1/4 cocktail

2 cups packed fresh arugula
1/2 cup grated fresh Parmesan (no canned or pre-shredded shit)
1/2 cup raw, unsalted walnuts
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
1 clove garlic, minced
Pepper to taste

Combine all ingredients in food processor puree until smooth. Serve on top of pasta with your own terrible jokes. Excess pesto freezes well.

Ribollita Makes Being A Medieval Peasant Look Good

This is a classic Tuscan peasant stew made with old bread, white beans, and greens (usually kale). The name ribollita means “re-boiled,” because this soup was typically made by combining leftover vegetable soup in a clay pot and re-cooking it with additional vegetables and olive oil.  So feel free to mix it up with whatever herbs, vegetables, and beans you have lying around. I’ve had success adding rosemary, eggplant, leek, oregano, savoy cabbage, chard, parsnip, and dried mushrooms. Common additions can also include sausage or prosciutto. No matter what you add, it will make for a hearty, delicious winter soup. In fact, it's so good, it makes you wonder if being a poor medieval Italian peasant was actually all that bad after all. 

Prep time: 2 cocktails

¼ cup top-quality, extra virgin olive oil (plus extra for serving)

4 cloves garlic, minced… plus 1 additional clove, whole

1 medium red onion, chopped

2 carrots, chopped

2 celery stalks, chopped

6 cups veggie stock

2 cups water

2 medium tomatoes, chopped

2 bay leaves

A touch of fresh herbs (8 cut basil or sage leaves, or a thyme sprig are all great)

2 potatoes, chopped into 3/4” cubes

2-3 bunches kale
1 tsp salt (or more to taste)
1 tsp fresh ground pepper

2 14-ounce cans cannellini beans, drained

6 slices stale bread (or enough to make 6 cups once you cut it into 1”cubes)

Fresh-grated, top-quality Parmesan cheese (optional)

Start by cutting the kale. Remove leaves from the stems and coarsely shred the leaves. Then take the stems and cut them up fairly well—into about 1/4-inch pieces. Transfer all your kale bits to a big bowl.

In a large soup pot, heat the oil over medium heat. Toss in minced garlic, onion, carrot, and celery. Sauté for a few minutes, until the veggies begin to soften up. Then stir in the stock, water, tomatoes, bay leaves, fresh herbs, potatoes, kale, salt, and pepper. After that, take a fork and mash the beans up in their cans a nice bit then add those as well. Increase to medium high heat and bring to boil, stirring frequently. Once boiling, reduce to a simmer and cook, uncovered, for 75 minutes, stirring occasionally. If you like a less-thick soup, add a couple extra cups of water.

As the soup finishes up, toast the bread to medium darkness in the oven. Once toasted, take your last remaining garlic clove, peel, and slice it width-wise. Rub the garlic, cut-side-down, on each slice to give it a wonderful garlic infusion. Cut the bread into bite-sized cubes and stir half of it into the soup. Remove soup from heat and let sit 15 minutes before serving.

When you dish the soup, throw a few cubes of the remaining bread in the bottom of each bowl and ladle the soup over the top. Finish with a generous additional drizzle of olive oil and Parmesan, if using.

Puttanesca: A Perfect Pasta for the Whore in All of Us

In Italian, puttanesca translates to “whore-style.” Nobody’s sure where the name comes from, but one story is that this is a quick, inexpensive dish that enabled the prostitutes of Naples to prepare it between clients. But fear not: you needn't be a culinary whiz nor a lady of the night to enjoy this zippy, umami-rich delight. Really all you need are a few readily-accessible pantry staples and a few minutes. Plus enormous volumes of red wine, of course. 

Prep time: 1 cocktail

3 TBSP olive oil

5 cloves garlic, minced

8 anchovy filets

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes, drained (or a few chopped ripened tomatoes)

3 TBSP capers, drained

½ cup Kalamata olives, pitted and chopped up a bit

¼ cup Italian flat leaf parsley or fresh basil, finely chopped

Splash or two of white wine (optional)

Prepared spaghetti or polenta

Fresh-grated Parmesan cheese (optional)

Heat oil in large pan over medium high heat and add garlic, anchovies, and pepper flakes. Stirring frequently, sauté until anchovies break down and garlic turns golden (but not brown), about 2-3 minutes. Add tomato and continue stirring frequently until tomato begins to break down a bit, about 8-10 minutes.

Stir in capers, olives, parsley or basil, and wine, if using. Simmer another 5 minutes. Salt to taste, top with Parmesan.

Spaghetti Aglio e Olio

This is one of the most simple, common sides in Italy. It is often said that this is the one dish that all Italian men know how to make. It takes only a few minutes and it is scaleable for large groups, making it an ideal side dish for any large get-together. 

Adding anchovies or anchovy paste a minute before the garlic is a great addition for those that eat fish. If you do add anchovies, just reduce the salt a bit. 

Prep time: 1/2 cocktail

8 ounces dry plain or whole wheat spaghetti

¼ cup high-quality extra virgin olive oil

1-2 cloves garlic, sliced very thin

1-2 tsp red chili flakes

1 TBSP fresh minced Italian flat leaf parsley, basil, or oregano (optional)

½ tsp salt

Fresh grated, top-quality Parmesan (no canned or pre-grated cheese!)

Prepare the spaghetti.

As your spaghetti cooks, heat the olive oil over medium low heat in a small frying pan. Once warm, add the garlic and chili flakes and sauté, stirring frequently until the garlic turns a light golden-brown, but is not burned. Add the herbs and remove from heat.

Once the pasta is ready, drain and toss with the garlic oil or drizzle the oil on top of plated pasta. Top with parmesan cheese and add salt and pepper to taste.