Vegan (or not) kimchi tuna melt

If you didn't already know, you can make a vegetarian tuna salad with mashed garbanzo means instead of tuna and the flavor profile and texture are almost identical. This takes the concept and elevates it more with kimchi. It's a kinda-healthy-kinda-indulgent, unique, delicious lunch!

Kimchi "tuna" salad:

1 cup kimchi, chopped up, retain the juices
1 15-ounce can garbanzo beans (or 2-3 cans tuna), drained
1/3 cup mayonnaise (vegan or non vegan)
1 TBSP rice vinegar
Dash of fish sauce (optional but highly recommended)
1-2 TBSP dijon or Korean mustard
2 celery ribs, chopped
2 scallions, sliced
1 1/2 tsp toasted sesame oil

3/4-1 tsp ginger grated with a microplane

Small handful sesame seeds, shelled sunflower seeds, or a combination

For the sandwiches:

Good sandwich bread (I recommend good artisnal sourdough, but any sandwich bread will do)
Cheese (vegan or normal): sharp cheddar, grueyere, or brie are all great options

Bonito flakes (nori strips are a good vegan substution)
Veggies (optional) (quick pickled carrots or cucumbers, sprouts, fried plantains, smashed avacado, or sliced jalepenos are all great)

Soft fried egg (optional)

Optional step: if kimchi has too much of a bite, you can caramelize it a little on the stovetop before making the "tuna" salad. This will sweeten and mellow the kimchi a fair amount. 

Combine garbanzos, mayo, vinegar, fish sauce, and mustard in a medium mixing bowl. Mash with a potato masher until you get a tuna salad consistency.

Stir in kimchi (caramelized or raw -- and don't forget the juices), celery, scallions, sesame oil, ginger, and seeds. Adjust flavors to taste. 

Make the sandwiches like any tuna melt: heat a skillet and brush bread with oil or some butter, add tuna salad and cheese and cook until bread is toasted and cheese is melted. 

Remove from heat, open sandwich up, add bonito flakes to taste, veggies, and egg (if using). Put the sandwich back together and enjoy!

Salsa de arbol base recipe

 

This is my base recipe for salsa de arbol. It can be sexed up with just about nything: cilantro, a bit of additional raw onion, charred bell pepper, spices... whatever. 

Heat levels depend on how many chiles de arbol you use:

• 2-4 chiles = mild salsa
• 6-8 chiles = medium salsa
• 10-12 chiles = hot salsa
• 16+ chilies = EXTRA spicy

Prep time: 1/4 cocktail

2-20+ chiles de arbol (see note above)
2-4 guajilio chilies
1-1.25 pounds roma tomatoes, quartered lengthwise
1 large onion, peeled and quartered

3 cloves garlic, peeled (left whole)
Optional: a couple jalepenos, de-stemmed and sliced lengthwise
1 tsp powdered bullion (I use Knorr tomato chicken, available at Mexican grocers)
1/2 tsp salt

Lime juice or apple cider vinegar to taste (optional)

Preheat oven to 400. Place arbols and guajilio on a baking sheet and bake until they change colors and get aromatic. This can happen fast -- don't burn them. You just want a light toast.

Transfer toasted chilies to a small pan, add just enough water to submerge them fairly well. Put on the stovetop and bring to a boil, then immediately remove from heat and set aside to cool.

On your now empty baking sheet, arrange the tomatoes and onions (and jalepenos if using) in a single layer on baking sheet. Put into oven and bake for 10-20 minutes, or until the bottoms of the veggies are blistering and charred a bit. 

Add the garlic to the baking sheet and change oven setting to broil. Cook until the veggies are nice and blistered and a little charred on top too, about 10-20 more minutes (but will vary on individual ovens).

Now, remove stems from soaked guajilios and transfer the soaked peppers, roasted veggies, bullion, and salt to blender. Blend until you have a nice salsa consistency (do not overblend). Add water, if you want a thinner consistency. 

Add lemon or vinegar to taste and adjust salt. Chill and serve.

Base recipe: Taqueria emulsified habenero salsa

 

This is my standard base recipe for what might be my favorite salsa. Though it has a couple habeneros, it's actually pretty mild, as the roasting process and addition of oil takes the bite out of it. This is a delicious, complex salsa that you can add other veggies or spices to if you want. But the base version itself is also perfect. Recipe makes 1 quart.

Prep time: 1/2 cocktail

1/2 orange bell papper, guts removed and sliced in half (into two quarters)
2 habeneros, sliced in half lenthwise and de-stemmed
4 large roma tomatoes, quartered lenthwise (about 1-1.25 pounds)
1 medium white onion, peeled and sliced into quarters
2-3 large tomatillos, dehusked and sliced in half

3 cloves garlic
1/2 cup neutral oil, like canola (NOT olive oil)

2 tsp powdered bullion (I use Knorr tomato chicken, available at any Mexicn grocer)
1 tsp sugar
A few tiny dashes white vinegar (to taste)

Salt to taste (may not be needed, depending on bullion used)

Preheat oven to 375 (not in convection mode--you want the veggies to roast from the bottom.

Arrange the following in a single layer on baking sheet (a layer of aluminum foil can make cleanup a lot easier): bell pepper, habeneros, tomatoes, onion, and tomatillos. Put into oven and bake for 5-10 minutes, or until the bottoms of the veggies are blistering and charred a bit. 

Add the garlic to the baking sheet and change oven setting to broil. Cook until the veggies are nice and blistered and a little charred on top too, about 5-10 more minutes (but will vary on individual ovens).

Once veggies are nicely roasted, transfer them all to a blender with oil, bullion, and sugar. Puree until it is a nice, totally smooth consistency. Adjust flavor with white vinegar, salt (I usually add ~1/2 tsp of both salt and vinegar), and additional sugar, if necessary. You can also add a little water if you want a thinner consistency. Cool and serve. 

Xawaash

This is a Somali spice mix used in a ton of different dishes.

2 cinnamon sticks
2 TBSP black peppercorns
1/2 cup whole cumin seed
1/2 cup whole corriander seeds
8 cardamom pods
1 teaspoon whole cloves
2 tsp ground turmeric

Break the cinnamon stick up into a few smaller pieces with your hands. Place all ingredients except turmeric in a medium dry frying pan on medium heat.

Lightly toast spices, stirring constantly, as they become highly aromatic and start to turn a tad darker color (but not burned). When finished, transfer to an electric spice or coffee grinder and grind into a powder. Add turmeric, and store in a cool, dark place with an airtight lid. 

Somali chickpea and potato stew

This is an adapted version of Somali beef stew, bariis maraq, but I use chickpeas instead of beef. But if you want something a little more meaty, I recommend using 1 pound of seitan that is chopped into steak-like strips or pieces, sautéed until a tad browned, then added to the stew 5-10 minutes before the end of cooking. 

Prep time: 2 cocktails

1 very large red onion (or 2 medium onions), finely minced a food processor is great for this, just don't make it completely into a slurry
3 TBSP neutral-tasting oil, like canola or avacado
6 cloves garlic, minced
2 TBSP Xawaash
2 potatoes, chopped into 3/4" cubes
2 TBSP tomato paste or ~2 tomatoes chopped
6 stalks celery (chopped in half or thirds, so they fit inside pan)
2 cans garbanzo beans, drained

1 red bell pepper and/or 1-2 carrots, all chopped (both are optional)
3-4 cups veggie stock homemade or store-bought

Lime wedges and cilantro for serving

Fried banana wheels for serving, optional

Heat a dry large medium to large saucepan or dutch oven over medium heat. When hot, add onions and dry-saute for 5-8 minutes, until the onion have become a little translucent and soft and might stick just a tiny bit to the bottom of the pan.

Increase heat to medium-high, add oil, stir well and then stir in garlic. Saute garlic 2 minutes, stirring frequently. Add spice mixture and stir frequently for 1 more minute.

Add potatoes, tomato paste, celery stalks, garbanzos, carrots/bell pepper (if using), and stock. Stir well and bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer, cover, and cook until potatoes are fully cooked, about 10-20 minutes, stirring occasionally. 

Once cooked, remove lid, discard celery, and cook until desired consistency is reached (should be a nice thick stew that can be served over rice). If too thick, add a little water or stock. Adjust salt and seasoning. Finish with a few squeezes of lime and a sprinkle of cilantro leaves, as well as fried banana, if eating.

The most legit vegetarian BBQ you're ever gonna find. Really.

This is a bit of a labor of love that I've been working on for a while now. While I normally avoid vegetarian facsimiles of meaty meals, this is an exception. Even as a vegetarian for decades, I still occasionally miss the smoky goodness of a pulled pork sandwich or the tangy richness of a brisket slow cooked all night then finished with homemade bbq sauce. Developing a good, realistic-tasting BBQ sandwich has been on my to-do list for a long time. So long, in fact, that I 'test kitchened' this recipe extensively the last few months, making literally dozens of different variations, until I landed on this, the ideal vegetarian bbq sandwich. It is smoky, tangy, rich, satisfying. 

Note that I also use homemade BBQ sauce for this. Just about every store-bought sauce is too sugary and without adequate vinegary bite to make this recipe work. So I don't recommend you use any store-bought BBQ sauce. 

You'll need some way to smoke some of your ingredients. You can obviously use a standalone outdoor smoker. I actually use an indoor smoker: the Nordic Ware kettle smoker. Don't own a smoker? NO PROBLEM! The internet is loaded with different ways to make your own homemade version. Most of these require little more than a Dutch oven with a heavy lid, some aluminum foil, a steamer basket or strainer, and smoker wood chips (available online or at any gourmet store or retailer that sells grilling supplies). It's easy to make either an outdoor version or a stovetop version for smoking inside.

Finally, you need to start this a day or so ahead of time, since you need to freeze and then thaw the tofu. Freezing it significantly changes the texture and ability to soak up the marinade, so this is a pretty essential step. 

This makes about 6 'brisket' sandwiches.

Prep time: 3 cocktails

Tofu + Marinade
1 15-ounce brick of tofu
3 TBSP orange juice

1 TBSP miso paste

2-3 TBSP canola oil
2 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
2 TBSP soy sauce
3 TBSP red wine

Several dashes of MSG or dried mushroom powder (optional)

~1/2 cup smoked walnuts (optional, see note below)

The BBQ sauce

6 TBSP butter 

1 cup of my Bold Boulder BBQ Sauce

2 tsp brown sugar

2 tsp agave or honey

Fixings

Buns

Grated high-end white cheddar

Chopped scallions

Pickled red onions (you can use any basic online recipe)

Additional optional toppings: coleslaw, chopped pickles, fresh or pickled jalepeno, thinly sliced fresh cucumber or radish, fried shallots, avocado pieces, and/or caramelized onions.

Note on walnuts: I like to add smoked walnuts to this for two reasons: the walnuts absorb a lot of flavor when smoked, so they turbocharge the flavor of the sandwiches. The walnuts also have a texture that mimics meat a little bit when chopped up and combined with tofu. It's not exact, but it is a nice addition. Walnuts should be dry smoked (so you cannot smoke them with the tofu). I've found that 20-30 minutes is usually plenty of time in my kettle smoker, but results will vary. After smoked, transfer smoked nuts to a food processor and pulse a few times until you have mostly little pieces halfway between the size of Nerds candy pieces or a bit smaller (don't overmix, or else you risk making smoked walnut butter). Add the walnuts to the tofu after the tofu is done cooking on the stovetop in the BBQ sauce. The amount you use isn't super important, but I usually start with about 3/4 cups of whole walnuts, which breaks down to about 1/2 cup of crumbles in the food processor. 

First, you'll need to freeze the tofu completley and then let it thaw out. This gives it a meatier texture and allows it to soak up the marinade.

Next, press the tofu for an hour or so in a tofu press or wrapped in a towel and placed under a heavy pan or books. After pressed, pat tofu dry and tear it apart with your hands into "pulled pork" or "shredded chicken"-like pieces. It won't be exactly the same, but you'll discover that the tofu has a grain that you can kind of work with to get pretty close. Don't shred the pieces so small that they won't be able to sit in the smoker without falling through the grates or holes (small bite-sized pieces is good). 

Now combine all the marinade ingredients EXCEPT the tofu and walnuts in a mixing bowl and whisk well. Combine tofu cubes and marinade in an airtight container and allow to marinade a minimum of 30 minutes and up to 24 hours, stirring gently occasionally, so as to not break up the tofu pieces.

Now smoke the tofu pieces. The method will vary depending on your smoker, so it may require some experimentation. For my Nordic Ware kettle smoker, I do a 60 minute "wet" smoke at 190F on the stovetop with hickory wood chips. The liquid I like to use for smoking is 2 cans of beer, which gives the tofu a bit of extra flavor, though water is fine too. Allow to cool to room temperature after smoking. Then transfer to a plate and chill completely in the refrigerator, uncovered.

Heat your oven to 300F.

OPTIONAL STEP:  This is to give the tofu a more meaty texture, if you want. After tofu has chilled in the refrigerator, spread pieces so they're not touching on a well-greased cookie sheet and bake for 15-30 minutes, or until they have become a little more toothsome and "meaty." Remove from oven and allow to cool, but leave the oven on at 300F, as you'll be using it again shortly.

Now make the sauce by melting the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Once melted, add the BBQ sauce, sugar, and agave/honey. Stir until everything gets hot and starts to simmer. Whisk it, or, ideally, use an immersion blender, until the sauce is fully integrated. Now add your cooled tofu pieces and stir very gently with a rubber spatula, so as to not break the tofu. Bring bbq sauce/tofu to a boil and remove from heat. Now stir in those walnut pieces, if using. 

Now build your sandwiches: take a standard size cookie sheet and line with foil. Put your ~6 bun bottoms on the pan and top with the bbq tofu mixture. Now top each sandwich with a couple generous pinches of white cheddar and place the pan uncovered in the oven (you can also put the bun tops in the oven to toast as well, if you want). 

Since tofu should already be warm, all you need to do is melt the cheese, so the sandwiches likely only need to be in the oven for a few minutes. Once the cheese is melted, remove from oven, add the scallions, pickled onions, and any of the optional ingredients you might also be using. Affix the top bun and enjoy!

How to doctor fake burger meat

Have you ever noticed that Impossible and Beyond imitation ground beef smells like goddamn catfood when you open it? And while both fake meats taste a lot more like burgers compared with the fake meat product of yesteryear, they still aren't marvelous. This is my quick hack to make those products taste (and smell) a lot better!

You can also get creative with this. In addition to what's below, I sometimes add dried mushroom powder or fresh mushroom pieces, very finely minced onion, fresh herbs, or spices. Just try to remember that you're just doctoring the meat, not making meatloaf, so no need to overdo it! 

12 ounce package Impossible or Beyond fake ground beef
1/4 cup crouton dust (use the food processor to pulverize the croutons)
1 TBSP Worcestershire
1 1/2 tsp liquid smoke
1 TBSP raw scrambled egg or Just Egg
1/2 tsp MSG
Healthy dose of black pepper
2-3 pinches garlic powder
A couple pinches sugar (optional)

Mix all ingredients well with your hands and then form into patties and cook in your normal manner.

Simple tapenade

Great for anytime you need a quick dip, sandwich addition, or spread! I like the big, salty flavor of a Kalamata for this if it is for a dip. But a tapenade with more delicate and mild olives is great for topping fish, chicken, or grilled vegetables (where I might add some garlic as well). You can also experiment both the ratios below and with other ingredients as well. This is a great base recipe!

Prep time: 1/4 cocktail

1 1/2 cup pitted olives, Kalamatas and/or other olive varieties, drained and lightly rinsed
1/4 cup Italian flat-leaf parsley
1/3 cup olive oil
1 TBSP fresh squeezed lemon juice + 1/2 tsp of the grated zest 
2 anchovy filets (optional)
1-2 TBSP capers + 1/2 tsp caper brine
2 TBSP shallots, finely minced
1/4 cup pine nuts
Black pepper to taste

You can lightly toast the pine nuts in a dry pan if you would like, as this brings out their full flavor. But this is an optional step. 

Combine everything EXCEPT capers, shallots, pine nuts, and pepper in food processor. Pulse the mixture until you reach the desired consistency (finely broken down but not all the way into a paste). 

Transfer olive mixture to a bowl and stir in capers, shallots, pine nuts, and pepper. 

Adjust seasoning to taste.

(Sometimes the ingredients will release liquid and it'll pool a little if the tapenade stands fro a few minutes. You can add a couple pinches of bread crumbs to absorb excess liquid. Just don't add so much bread crumbs that you change the flavor or texture of the final product.)

Spiced nuts - aka, the reason I'm gaining weight now

 

I recently gave up booze but I still like to imbibe occasionally and reefer has become my new go-to intoxicant. But moving from alcohol to the Devil's Lettuce has meant that I now develop nearly insatiable munchees on occasion. I had been stuffing my gullet with cookies and other processed snacks, but that's a 1-way ticket to hypertension. So I decided to start making spiced nuts for when I inhale a little jazz cabbage. This is a filling--but much healthier--snack. But the problem is that the recipe is too good! I've started eating these nuts at all hours, even when there's no sticky icky in sight. So just be careful. If you eat too much, you too might need to be mindful of your own ballooning waistline. That's just a testament of how good Deez Nutz really are!

The recipes below are two of my favorite spice combos, but you can use anything you want, like ras el hanout or berbere nuts for an African flair, 5-spice for a Chinese twist, or zatar and sumac for a middle eastern flair. I've even used chorizo or schwarma spice combinations that have turned out great!

There are two prep options below. The chili lime recipe calls for oil and the curry recipe calls for egg as ways to bind the seasoning to the nuts. Both are great approaches. The oil approach keeps the texture of the nuts about the same, while the egg whites make the nuts incredibly crunchy. But both methods are interchangeable--it just depends on whether you want your nuts regular or extra crunchy (or vegan v/s non-vegan). 

Prep time: Almost instant (except the baking and cooling times)

Chili lime nuts

This is my absolute favorite homemade spiced nuts recipe at the moment. 

2 cups/8 ounces of raw, unsalted nuts (my favorite for this is pecan, but anything will work, including a mix)
1-2 TBSP canola or avacado oil
1/2 tsp salt
2 TBSP Tajin 

Preheat oven to 275F in convection mode (if you don't have convection, use 300F and be mindful that you'll need to stir the nuts around a little more often and the baking time may be a little different).

In a mixing bowl, combine the nuts and oil. Nuts like walnuts and pecans have a lot of crevices, so you'll want to add more like 2 TBSP oil to fully get into all the nooks and crannies of these. If you use smoother nuts like cashews or almonds, only 1 TBSP of oil is needed. Mix very, very well (but gently) with a rubber spatula, stirring at least 60 seconds.

Now stir in salt and Tajin. Gently stir super well again with a rubber spatula--at least 60 more seconds. 

Arrange on a foil-lined baking sheet so that nuts aren't touching, and put in the oven to bake for 25-40 minutes, until the nuts have just turned a slightly darker shade and have a nice roasted flavor--but don't burn them! Remove from oven at least once during cooking and stir well and reset the nuts so that they aren't touching before putting in the oven.

Once cooked, let the pan of nuts cool on the countertop for at least 1-2 hours. Then transfer to an airtight container that has a folded paper towel at the bottom to collect any little bits of oil or moisture. 

Curried extra crunchy nuts

Using egg whites instead of oil gives these nuts a super crunchy texture. The quality and age of the curry powder can make a massive difference here, so you may need to experiment with and/or doctor your current curry powder.

2 cups/8 ounces of raw, unsalted nuts (I like walnuts most for this recipe, but any nuts or combination will work)
1 egg white
1/2 tsp salt
2 TBSP curry powder

2 TBSP brown sugar

A few pinches of other common curry spices, optional (can include ground garam masala, cumin, coriander, cinnamon, tumeric, etc.) 

Preheat oven to 275F in convection mode (if you don't have convection, use 300F and be mindful that you'll need to stir the nuts around a little more often and the baking time may be a little different).

In a smallish mixing bowl, add the egg white. Whisk the egg white pretty agressively until it goes from transparent to whiteish. Once egg white is nicely whipped, mix in nuts and incorporate egg white very well (but gently) with a rubber spatula, stirring at least 60 seconds. The nuts should look pretty much dry after the egg is fully incorporated.

Now stir in salt, curry, and brown sugar (plus any optional spices). Gently stir super well again with a rubber spatula--at least 60 more seconds. 

Arrange on a foil-lined baking sheet so that nuts aren't touching, and put in the oven to bake for 25-40 minutes, until the nuts have just turned a slightly darker shade and have a nice roasted flavor--but don't burn them! Remove from oven at least once during cooking and stir well and reset the nuts so that they aren't touching before putting in the oven.

Once cooked, let the pan of nuts cool on the countertop for at least 1-2 hours. Then transfer to an airtight container that has a folded paper towel at the bottom to collect any little bits of oil or moisture. 

All-purpose creamy coconut pasta sauce

Once in a while I want to make something that calls for some sort of basic creamy sauce, whether it's for vodka cream sauce, a hearty addition to a gnocchi or baked pasta dish, a white-sauce pizza, or just a plain alfredo-like cream sauce for a visiting friend's kid, keeping this on hand in the refrigerator or freezer (or making it real quickly on the spot) always comes in handy. Any and all additions you can think of make great optional enhancements: capers, fresh basil, baby spinach, salmon filets, etc. You can also make this vegan with fake butter and Parmesan without losing much of the great flavor. 

Prep time: 1 cocktail (but ideally you can let the flavors meld for a few hours or overnight)

3 TBSP butter or vegan butter

1 small shallot, finely minced
3-4 cloves garlic, very finely minced
1 5.5-ounce can unsweetened coconut cream (not coconut milk)

1/2 cup dry white wine

1 TBSP microplaned lemon zest

1 tsp dijon
1 TBSP nutritional yeast
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup pretty well packed parmesan, grated with a microplane (or a vegan version)

Generous several grinds black pepper
A few pinches' worth of nutmeg, fresh grated with a microplane (optional)

A little tapioca starch (optional)

Prepared pasta

On medium to medium-high heat, melt the butter and then add the shallot and saute really well, until it starts to turn light golden. Add garlic and continue sautéing another 1-2 minutes. 

Once garlic is fragrant, add coconut cream, wine, lemon zest, dijon, nutritional yeast, and salt. Use a whisk to incorporate it all and keep using it, stirring nearly constantly, until the sauce reaches a boil. Reduce to a simmer and keep whisking often.

After reducing to a simmer, you can start adding the parmesan. Add it a few pinches at a time; if you dump it all in at once, it'll make a big glob of a cheese mess. Keep whisking as you slowly add all the cheese. Once it's all incorporated and melted, you can add pepper and nutmeg to taste. 

If you want a thicker alfredo, now you can add a little tapioca starch and whisk it in well. But I prefer to let it cook down slightly and then cool before a quick reheat to serve. This gives me the right consistency without tapioca starch. Either approach is fine.

As you finish the sauce, adjust lemon, salt, pepper, and nutmeg to taste. Remove from heat and serve or (ideally) let the flavors meld for a few hours before serving. 

Caramelized kimchi fried rice over Korean corn cheese

 

So corn cheese is an artifact of the Korean war when American soldiers introduced canned corn, shredded cheese, and mayonnaise to the Korean peninsula. It's now often served there as a side dish or for kids, but in this dish, it makes a wonderful foundation for the spicy, tangy, boldly-flavored kimchi fried rice. Who knew global hegemony could taste so good?!

I like to caramelize the kimchi because it's intense, sharp flavor mellows and sweetens a bit. It's a fantastic combination of sour, tangy, acidic, spicy, and umami. Over the rich and slightly sweet corn, this dish is a balanced flavor powerhouse! 

Prep time 2 cocktails

For the corn:

2 cups fresh or frozen sweet corn kernels

2 cups grated low-moisture mozzarella

1/4 cup mayo (store bought or homemade)

1 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp gochugaru (you can also substitute hot paprika or Aleppo pepper)

1/4 tsp salt

Several grinds of black pepper

For the rice:
2 TBSP Gochutang paste
1 tsp soy sauce (you can also use a 50/50 soy/fish sauce combo)For the rice:

1 tsp toasted sesame oil

2 TBSP butter

1 1/2 cups cooked brown rice, chilled

1-1.5 cups kimchi, coarsley chopped (try to keep as much of the juice as possible)

3 cloves garlic

6 scallions sliced diagonally

1 bunch spinach, coarsely chopped

Eggs (optional) - you can fry them over easy on the side and serve on top of this dish or add them scrambled to the pan before adding the rice and cook until they become ruffled around the edges of the pan and have set a little bit

Preheat over to 400F. Combine all the corn ingredients into a mixing bowl and stir until everything is integrated. Transfer to an 8" cast iron pan or a ~6x8" baking dish. Place in oven and cook until the center is melted and a little bubbly. Then switch on the broiler and broil until the top is nicely browned, about 2-4 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool a bit while you finish the rice.

Once your corn is in the oven, you can start the rice: Start by combining the Gochutang paste, soy (or soy/fish sauce combo), and sesame oil in a bowl and whisk until everything is integrated. 

Now heat a large frying pan or wok over medium heat. When the pan is warm, add the butter and melt, then add garlic and 2/3 of your scallions and saute 60 seconds or until aromatic but not turning golden yet. Add kimchi and saute, stirring frequently, until kimchi is a little caramelized, about 10 minutes. Once kimchi is a little caramelized, add the soy sauce mixture and stir well. Then add the rice (with the the eggs before the rice, if you're doing scrambled eggs), and stir well. Cook until the mixture gets sizzling (if the sauce sticks to the pan, you can deglaze with a splash of water). Add the spinach and cook, stirring, 2-3 more minutes until it has shrunken, softened, and turned a vibrant green. Adjust soy (or soy/fish) sauce and sesame oil, if needed.

By the time your rice is finished, your corn should be cooled enough to eat! Spoon the rice on top of the corn, which is still in the pan. Garnish with the  remaining 1/3 of your scallions (and sesame seeds or strips of seaweed, if you like). If you made any fried eggs, an egg can go on top each portion after you dish everything up. 

Charred broccoli rabe, lemon, and faux sausage tossed with pasta

Broccoli rabe (also known as broccolini or rapini) is an absolute treat out of the early summer garden. I came up with this recipe a few months ago when we were harvesting it like crazy. It is an attempt to make something of a vegetarian Carbonara that incorporates our bounty of broccoli rabe, as well as a couple vegan sausages we had to use up. 

This does call for a specialty gadget: a rasp grater or Microplane. Don't be a loser and buy pre-grated parmesan cheese or cut a corner and try to grate this with something else. Take the $16 hit and buy one of these if you don't already have one. It makes an incredible tool for citrus zests, hard cheeses, chocolate, and frozen garlic for a variety of applications. I'm seriously watching you. DO NOT disappoint me the way you have already done with your parents!

Prep time: 2 cocktails

12 ounces bow tie (frfalle) or penne pasta
2 high-quality spicy Italian vegetarian sausages (like Beyond brand)
1-2 TBSP high-temperature cooking oil, like canola or avacado
2 grocery store bunches-worth of broccoli rabe, each piece cut into 2-3 more edible sizes
10 cloves garlic, minced
Juice of 1 lemon
4 eggs -- 2 whole eggs and 2 yolks only whisked in a small bowl
1 cup of fresh grated Parmesan with a microplane (I'm still watching you), plus extra for serving
Salt and pepper
Minced parsley and red chili flakes for garnish

Prepare pasta and rinse and set aside. Cook sausage in stovetop over medium heat until nicely browned. Remove and cut into 1/2" thick wheels.

Put oil into a frying pan over high heat. Once your pan gets very hot, add the broccoli rabe. The point here is to basically blacken parts of it, so make sure your pan is hot before adding. Fry it a few minutes until your desired amount of char is achieved, then turn off heat and stir in garlic. Saute another minute or until the garlic turns a bit golden but not browned or burned, then squeeze the lemon juice over the broccoli rabe and stir one last time. Transfer broccoli rabe and garlic to a plate. 

In a medium or large saucepan or dutch oven, heat the cooked and drained pasta over medium heat until it is nice and ward. Toss in a tiny dash of olive oil if it is sticking badly. Once pasta is nice and hot, add the egg and Parmesan, plus a lot of salt and pepper to taste. The goal is to have the egg cook just enough to have a creamy sauce-like consistency that sticks to the pasta but has a nice velvety texture and isn't fully cooked. This usually only takes a minute--maybe less. Once you're about at this point stir in broccoli rabe and remove from heat. Serve right away with additional parmesan, parsley, and chili flakes on top. 

Divine Intervention Sapporo Ramen

Last night, we had a religious experience. My wife's eyes rolled back in her head and she started speaking in tongues. I started weeping out of a profound, unexpected joy. Even the dog made odd noises. Of course, we didn't find Jesus; I just made the most amazing ramen ever. The wife's expression happened to be "domo arigato gozimus" and my profound weeping was because I nailed the broth perfectly. And the dog turned out to just be gassy. So even though we didn't find eternal salvation, it turned out to be a pretty remarkable night, nevertheless.

This is a slight revision to Sapporo-style ramen. That ramen uses butter to add a richness to the broth. However, as a not-huge fan of butter, I opted for coconut milk instead. Also, since the broth is traditionally cooked with various animal bits to add umami, I make a few vegetarian-friendly tricks, like incorporating mushrooms, browning the miso, and adding some fermented black beans. The result is a perfect, harmonious balance of savory, rich, satisfying bowl of noodles and vegetables with just a touch of sweetness.

Note that you can get the needed Japanese ingredients at any Asian grocer, including kombu, wakame, hijiki, mirin, bonito flakes, fermented black bean paste, and buckwheat noodles.

Prep time: 3 cocktails

Egg marinade:
2 eggs
2-3 TBSP soy sauce
2-3 TBSP mirin (Japanese cooking wine)
1/2 cup water

Broth base:
2-inch square kombu or 3 TBSP wakame or hijiki
5 good-sized shiitake mushrooms
6 cups water
1 cup bonito flakes
1 tsp anchovy paste (optional)

Seasoning mix:
1 TBSP sesame seeds
2 tsp untoasted sesame oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1" piece ginger, grated with microplane or finest side of a box grater
3 scallions, chopped
2 TBSP miso paste
2 TBSP fermented black bean paste
1/4 cup mirin or sake
2 TBSP soy sauce
1 cup coconut milk

Soup elements:
8 ounces dried buckwheat noodles
1/2-1 cup mung bean sprouts
1 bunch spinach, stems removed
1/2-1 cup frozen sweet corn
1 block tofu, chopped into 3/4" cubes (can be firm or silken/soft, depending on preference), optional

Optional garnishes: 
Bonito flakes, chopped scallions, and/or a drizzle of toasted sesame oil

A couple hours before you start the soup, you'll need to make the eggs, since the need to marinate. You want to medium-boil your eggs by gently dropping them in boiling water and reducing heat to a very low boil. Boil them for 7-8 minutes. Remove and place under cool running water and remove shells. Then combine the peeled eggs with the rest or the marinade ingredients in a small Tupperware container or zip-lock bag and put in the refrigerator.

Now make the broth by combining all the broth ingredients in a pressure cooker. With the lid off, bring to a boil but remove the kombu right before you boil or it will become slimy (if using hijiki or wakame, no need to remove). Once boiling, put the lid on it and bring up to normal pressure for your altitude for 10 minutes. Then remove from heat and let pressure drop completely. Remove lid and strain out mushrooms and any remaining seaweed.

While your broth is cooking, you can pre-prep the some of your soup elements. Cook the noodles according to the directions on package and cool them under running water and set aside. Bring a pot of water to a boil and blanch the bean sprouts for 1 minute and strain them out. In the same water, you can then blanch the spinach for 3-4 minutes and strain out. Let cool and then squeeze all the moisture out and chop it up coarsely. Finally, add the corn to the boiling water for a couple minutes, then drain and set aside (you can obviously make all these veggies in separate pots of water, if you would prefer).

Next, start on the seasoning mix. Heat a small frying pan over medium heat. When hot, add sesame seeds and toast for a couple minutes, stirring pretty frequently. When they are lightly toasted, transfer to an electric spice grinder and grind into a powder. Set aside.

Now in a large pot or dutch oven, heat the untoasted sesame oil over medium heat. Add garlic, ginger, and scallions and saute for 1-2 minutes. Now add miso and bean paste and stir constantly for a couple minutes. You want some of the paste to get browned stuck to the pan, but don't let anything fully burn. Next, deglaze the paste by adding the mirin/sake and sesame seed powder. Once everything is incorporated and the bits that were stuck to the pan are unstuck, add the soy sauce and coconut milk. Stir everything well and add the broth from the pressure cooker (after removing mushrooms and seaweed). Adjust seasoning if necessary by adding salt or soy sauce to taste. Add tofu cubes and bring to a low boil for a couple minutes. Then it's ready to serve!

In a bowl, combine your noodles, corn, spinach, sprouts, and tofu. Pour the broth over the top and slice your marinated eggs in half lengthwise and add a half an egg. Top with any of the additional garnishes of your choice and serve!

Goddamn Delicious Sriracha Aioli

This is delightful on fusion sushi, sandwiches, or as a dressing or dip. In fact, I like it so much, I'd even recommend it on cereal, in coffee, or as a facial cleanser. It's that good!

Note that if you want wasabi aioli, you can swap out the Siracha for an equal amount wasabi paste.

Prep time: 1/4 cocktail

1 egg yolk

1 TBSP Siracha 

1 tsp toasted sesame oil

2 tsp soy sauce

2 tsp agave nectar (you can adjust this up or down to taste)

2 tsp dijon mustard

2 tsp rice vinegar

1 tsp lemon juice

1 clove garlic, minced

Roughly 3/4 cup neutral oil, such as canola or grapeseed--NO olive oil 

A small handful of sesame seeds

Combine everything except last 2 ingredients in food processor and puree until well incorporated (scraping the sides down with a rubber spatula once or twice). 

Then, with the processor running, slowly drizzle the oil in. Add until you reach your desired consistency--meaning that it may vary a bit from the recommended 3/4 cup.

Adjust siracha, soy sauce, and/or agave to reach desired taste. 

Once it is all incorporated, transfer to a bowl and stir in sesame seeds and serve!

Handmade pasta

This is my stock pasta recipe--good for any type of noodles or ravioli and tortellini. You can mix it up with herbs, squid ink, or spinach in the pasta. I prefer 00 flour because it is milled finer, which means the final noodles end up more soft and pillowy.

A vegan pasta is also easy to make, just substitute ground flax whisked with water. Use 3-4 TBSP of the flax meal and 3/4 cup of water.

10 ounces 00 flour
1 tsp salt
2 whole eggs
4 additional egg yolks

Mix ingredients well, then knead at least 10 minutes in stand mixer, add a touch of water or flour if the dough consistency isn't right--you want something like slightly firm Play-Doh that is smooth, firm, and elastic. Cover and let rest for 60 minutes, if possible (this will also enhance the texture, but you can skip if you're in a hurry). Divide into 4 equal balls and roll out dough with a rolling pin or pasta roller and cut noodles to desired thickness.

Toss directly into boiling salted water for 1-2 minutes or dust with flour and freeze.

Vegetarian Thanksgiving pizza ideas

I just found our pizza menu from our big Thanksgiving pizza party 2 years ago!! Everything turned out amazing! All pizzas were Neopolitan style!

Pizza 1
No tomato--use olive oil
Fried sage
Ricotta
Roasted butternut squash cubes with fresh grated nutmeg
Home candied walnuts

Pizza 2
No tomato--use olive oil

Flash fried kale (at super high heat)

Carmalized apple

Gorgonzola

Sage (optional)

Pizza 3

(Okay, it's not a Fall pizza, but I need a margherita pizza as a baseline no matter where I am--even at home!)

Preserved farmers' market tomatoes

Mozerella

Fresh basil

Egg (optional--cracked in the middle and cooked until just solid in the whites)

Pizza 4

Parsnip puree as a sauce

Nutmeg

Roasted carrots and potatoes

Pizza 5

Mushroom slices sauteed in butter, salt and a touch of red wine

Thyme, fresh

Garlic confit

Parsley

Fresh arugula after taking it out of oven (optional)

Simple, spicy pickled eggs

So even though I went to college and hold down a reasonable job, I've still not totally forgotten my roots that trace back to a long line of simple folk in a small, godawful town in the middle of the country. Only being a few steps removed from my kinfolk who wear wifebeaters and watch daytime TV, I often have a hankering to visit dank, dingy watering holes after a long day. And the ultimate litmus test for me is that if it is a TRUE dive bar, there are pickled things in jars for sale. Doesn't matter what is in said jars--pigs feet, dill pickles, eggs--just as long as there's a decade-old, vinegar-embalmed offering at hand, I feel like I'm home. So much so, in fact, that I have a need to keep a jar of pickled eggs in my refrigerator at home as well. Though it represents a true strain on my marriage to have these orbs floating in a Mason jar living behind the orange juice, I can't say I'll ever be able to give up the habit of nibbling on a spicy, tangy egg after cracking a can of Schlitz on a hot summer afternoon.

For this, I use a half gallon Mason jar, so you'll want to scale your recipe depending on the size of your container.

4 cups white vinegar
2 cups water
4 TBSP salt
18 large hard-boiled eggs, peeled
1/4 onion, cut into thin half moons
1-3 jalapenos, sliced into wheels
10-20 whole peppercorns

Combine vinegar, water, and salt in a saucepan. Bring to a boil then remove from heat and let cool, uncovered, for at least 15 minutes.

In Mason jar put onions, jalapenos, and peppercorns in the bottom. Add the eggs. Pour the brine over the top, seal with a tight lid. Let sit on the counter for 30-60 minutes before placing in the refrigerator. Allow eggs to sit in the refrigerator for at least a week before eating.

Vegetarian bibimbap - the best recipe ever?

I regularly slave over meals for whole afternoons. It's not at all uncommon for me to ferment vegetables, nuts, or condiments for weeks in preparation of a particular dinner. My Thanksgiving menu planning starts in mid-June in a typical year. In addition to being a kitchen slut, I'm an over-analytical type-A scientist with OCD and too much spare time.... What I'm trying to say is that I tend to overdo things in the kitchen. So it came as a bit of a pleasant shock today when the love of my life told me no less than 7 times that the dinner I made last night was the best meal I've ever made. And it was a breeze to whip up. So gone are my days of sleuthing through a dozen spice stores to find the freshest ajowan seeds in order to make some obscure Pakistani dish. In the future, I'll just whip up a quick bibimbap and spend the rest of my newfound free time soaking up lavish praise and compliments.

So what the fuck is bibimbap? In addition to a wildly popular 1997 hit song by teenage heartthrob brother band Hansen, it's a wonderfully vibrant, flavorful, and satisfying Korean medley of rice, vegetables, eggs, and hot sauce. Optional are beef, if you're of the carnivorous persuasion or tofu, if you're a fellow Chaco-wearing, leg-shaving vegetarian such as myself. Either way, you simply not go wrong with this meal. Just ask the love of my life!

Prep time: 2 cocktails

Rice:

1 cup forbidden black rice

1 TBSP rice vinegar

1/2 tsp salt

Sauce:

3 TBSP gochujang (a Korean chili paste available at Asian grocers or in the Asian aisle of many supermarkets)

1 tsp toasted sesame oil

2 tsp agave nectar

1 TBSP rice vinegar

1 tsp ginger, minced or very finely grated (optional)

Vegetables:

1/2 cucumber, sliced into the thinnest wheels you can possibly make (a mandolin is helpful if you have one)

2 TBSP rice vinegar

Several TBSP neutral oil with high smoke point (canola or avocado oil are great options), divided

1 large carrot, julienned 

8 ounces shiitake mushrooms, sliced into 1/2-inch strips

4 cloves garlic

12 ounces (about one bunch) spinach, stems removed and chopped up a bit

1 1/2 tsp toasted sesame oil

2 TBSP soy sauce

2 TBSP mirin cooking wine (available in the Asian aisle of most supermarkets)

4 scallions

4 eggs

4 ounces bean sprouts

1 sheet nori (sushi wrapper) or similar Korean seaweed, chopped up coarsely with a knife or scissors

Several generous pinches sesame seeds

First, get the rice started. Combine all the rice ingredients, along with 1 3/4 cup water in a rice cooker or saucepan with a lid. Bring to a boil and simmer, covered, until liquid is absorbed and rice is tender. Keep warm.

After the rice gets going, toss the cucumbers with several generous pinches of salt and place them in a colander or strainer to let excess water drip out. After 20-30 minutes, transfer cucumbers to a bowl and toss with the 2 TBSP of rice vinegar.

As the cucumbers are sitting in the colander, prepare the sauce by whisking together all the sauce ingredients. Set aside.

Now, heat a TBSP or so of your neutral cooking oil on medium heat in a frying pan or wok. Toss in the carrots and saute until they've turned golden are are a bit blistered, about 10 minutes. Set aside.

Return your pan or wok to stovetop, reduce heat to medium (or a little less) and heat up a couple more TBSP of the neutral cooking oil. Add mushrooms and cook about 8 minutes, until they turn a bit golden. Add garlic and stir for  about 30 seconds. Add spinach and cook until it's well-wilted, about 3 minutes. Stir in toasted sesame oil, soy sauce, mirin, and scallions and remove from heat and transfer to a covered bowl to keep warm. 

Now use a large frying pan (you can use the same one from the vegetables if it's big enough) and add 1-2 more TBSP of your neutral cooking oil. When pan and oil are totally hot, add eggs and cook sunny-side-up. 

As eggs are finishing, build your bibimbap bowls. Start with a big mound of rice in the bottom. Add a small heap of cucumbers, carrots, mushroom/spinach combo, and bean sprouts. Top with eggs and garnish with pieces of seaweed and sesame seeds. Serve with generous drizzles of the hot sauce. Then drink massive amounts of soju and bask in the compliments of your dinner companions!

Arugula pesto... Because I'm a cheap bastard

So last weekend, some friends came to visit. We were going to make a big arugula salad, but alas, we had too much food so we never got around to assembling the salad. So a sad bag of arugula languished in the back of the refrigerator for several days until I finally pulled it out last night. I was going to toss it since I'm actually not a lover of salads that are heavy on arugula. But that shit is expensive. So rather than toss it, I decided to try to do something with it. Because I'm afrugula.

Yep. That was a whole paragraph of buildup for a joke that your overly cheesy uncle Ray would be ashamed to tell. But rest assured, the pesto is much better than the humor around here.

Prep time: 1/4 cocktail

2 cups packed fresh arugula
1/2 cup grated fresh Parmesan (no canned or pre-shredded shit)
1/2 cup raw, unsalted walnuts
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 tsp salt
1 clove garlic, minced
Pepper to taste

Combine all ingredients in food processor puree until smooth. Serve on top of pasta with your own terrible jokes. Excess pesto freezes well.

Make Your Summer Radical With Salmorejo

It may be winter for you Northerners, but here in Mexico, tomatoes are at peak ripeness and in our town of San Miguel de Allende, great local olive oil and fantastic fresh sourdough are in strong supply. That means one thing: salmorejo! Salmorejo is a chilled tomato puree that originates from the south of Spain that is similar to gazpacho, but is thicker and more rustic so it can be eaten either as a dip or as a soup. It's amazing on a hot summer (or Mexican winter) afternoon!

I know it's obnoxious when food bloggers or TV chefs pine on about how important it is for you to use highest-quality ingredients. I know it sounds obnoxious--if not downright impractical--for you, dear reader, to blow half a paycheck at Whole Foods springing for all the top-shelf dinner ingredients. But because salmorejo is such a simple dish, if you skimp, it'll be very noticeable in the final product. So for this reason, I have to be obnoxious and implore you to use only use top-quality tomatoes (ideally from your garden or the farmers’ market), olive oil (extra virgin, cold-pressed), and bread (good European-style bread, no shitty sandwich bread!). Using top-quality ingredients will make all the difference for this puree.

Typically, this soup is served with slivered Prosciutto or Serrano ham, minced hard-boiled eggs, and crostini. You could also serve it with any high-quality baguette bread and even some good hard cheese—such as Parmesan Reggiano—on the side. Since the consistency is almost more like a dip, you can dunk your bread or other accompaniments in it as you eat.

1 Kg (2.2 pounds) fresh tomatoes, tops removed and quartered

1 cup olive oil, divided

½ cup red wine vinegar

2 slices bread, chopped up a bit

3 cloves garlic, halved

1 tsp salt

For dipping: hard cheese, crostini, hard-boiled eggs, Proscuiutto or Serrano ham, etc. 

Soak the tomatoes, ½ cup of olive oil, garlic, vinegar and bread overnight in a big bowl.

The next day, blend the bread/tomato mixture and salt in blender or food processor, adding the remaining ½ cup olive oil very slowly as it mixes.

Depending on the consistency you like, you can blend in some water too at this point, but I like to keep it fairly thick, so I don’t add any.

Serve cold with any of the garnishes listed above, or anything else that you think would go well.