Caramelized kimchi fried rice over Korean corn cheese

 

So corn cheese is an artifact of the Korean war when American soldiers introduced canned corn, shredded cheese, and mayonnaise to the Korean peninsula. It's now often served there as a side dish or for kids, but in this dish, it makes a wonderful foundation for the spicy, tangy, boldly-flavored kimchi fried rice. Who knew global hegemony could taste so good?!

I like to caramelize the kimchi because it's intense, sharp flavor mellows and sweetens a bit. It's a fantastic combination of sour, tangy, acidic, spicy, and umami. Over the rich and slightly sweet corn, this dish is a balanced flavor powerhouse! 

Prep time 2 cocktails

For the corn:

2 cups fresh or frozen sweet corn kernels

2 cups grated low-moisture mozzarella

1/4 cup mayo (store bought or homemade)

1 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp gochugaru (you can also substitute hot paprika or Aleppo pepper)

1/4 tsp salt

Several grinds of black pepper

For the rice:
2 TBSP Gochutang paste
1 tsp soy sauce (you can also use a 50/50 soy/fish sauce combo)For the rice:

1 tsp toasted sesame oil

2 TBSP butter

1 1/2 cups cooked brown rice, chilled

1-1.5 cups kimchi, coarsley chopped (try to keep as much of the juice as possible)

3 cloves garlic

6 scallions sliced diagonally

1 bunch spinach, coarsely chopped

Eggs (optional) - you can fry them over easy on the side and serve on top of this dish or add them scrambled to the pan before adding the rice and cook until they become ruffled around the edges of the pan and have set a little bit

Preheat over to 400F. Combine all the corn ingredients into a mixing bowl and stir until everything is integrated. Transfer to an 8" cast iron pan or a ~6x8" baking dish. Place in oven and cook until the center is melted and a little bubbly. Then switch on the broiler and broil until the top is nicely browned, about 2-4 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool a bit while you finish the rice.

Once your corn is in the oven, you can start the rice: Start by combining the Gochutang paste, soy (or soy/fish sauce combo), and sesame oil in a bowl and whisk until everything is integrated. 

Now heat a large frying pan or wok over medium heat. When the pan is warm, add the butter and melt, then add garlic and 2/3 of your scallions and saute 60 seconds or until aromatic but not turning golden yet. Add kimchi and saute, stirring frequently, until kimchi is a little caramelized, about 10 minutes. Once kimchi is a little caramelized, add the soy sauce mixture and stir well. Then add the rice (with the the eggs before the rice, if you're doing scrambled eggs), and stir well. Cook until the mixture gets sizzling (if the sauce sticks to the pan, you can deglaze with a splash of water). Add the spinach and cook, stirring, 2-3 more minutes until it has shrunken, softened, and turned a vibrant green. Adjust soy (or soy/fish) sauce and sesame oil, if needed.

By the time your rice is finished, your corn should be cooled enough to eat! Spoon the rice on top of the corn, which is still in the pan. Garnish with the  remaining 1/3 of your scallions (and sesame seeds or strips of seaweed, if you like). If you made any fried eggs, an egg can go on top each portion after you dish everything up. 

Vegan Jambalaya Jubilee!

I've never been a fan of vegetarian or vegan jambalaya. Even as a nearly-lifelong vegetarian, I fully appreciate that there are a few things out there that cannot be effectively replicated without meat. A decent burger, my mom's porcupine meatball recipe, and jambalaya are a few examples of foods I've missed since ditching meat when I was 13 or so. But that's all changing with really decent fake meats now on the market. Beyond and Impossible have really made the last few carnivorous recipes that were previously missing in my life now within reach. Between the faux sausage and some saffron offering a wonderful shrimp-ish umami, this is the bast damn meatless jambalaya I've had -- by far!

5 TBSP canola or avocado oil, divided
1 1/2 medium onions, chopped
4 stalks celery, chopped
1/2 green or red bell pepper, chopped
1 pinch saffron
1/2 tsp ground cumin
2 tsp Cajun seasoning
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp black pepper
6 cloves garlic minced
2 TBSP Tabasco sauce
3 1/2 cups veggie stock, store bought or homemade
2 tsp Maggi or browning sauce
1 1/2 cup parboiled rice
10 oz faux chicken breast strips
3 spicy Beyond sausages, sliced into ~1/2 inch half moons
1 can artichoke hearts, drained and cut up a bit, optional
Worcestershire sauce, optional

Heat 3 TBSP oil over medium heat in a large saute pan or dutch oven that has a lid. Once hot, add onion, celery, and bell pepper. Saute, stirring occasionally, until the veggies get fairly well caramelized (but not burned), about 20 minutes.

While the veggies are cooking, boil a small amount of water. Add a few TBSP of this water to the saffron in a small bowl and let it steep.

Once the veggies are a little caramelized, add the cumin, Cajun seasoning,  paprika, black pepper, and garlic. Saute 2 more minutes, stirring often.

Now add saffron and the steeping water, Tabasco sauce, stock, and Magi/browning sauce. Bring to a boil, then add rice, cover, and reduce to a simmer. Cook until the rice is tender and liquid is absorbed, about 20 minutes.

While rice is cooking, add the remaining 2 TBSP oil to a large frying pan on medium heat. Once the oil shimmers, Add the faux chicken and sausage. Saute, stirring occasionally, until the cheat meat is browned in spots and fragrant, but not burned.

Now, back to the rice: once it is done, stir/fluff with a fork and taste. Adjust spices, salt, and/or add Worcestershire sauce to taste. Stir in artichokes (if you're using) as well.

Right before you serve, toss the rice with the meats. Eat and enjoy your delightful meatless meaty dinner!

Wild rice and mushroom pilaf

This recipe is about making marriages happy. You see, I hate mushrooms. My wife hates rice. So obviously, a dish that is made mostly of mushrooms and rice is bound to make nobody happy in our home, right? Well that's what I thought too. So I waited until Thanksgiving to make this so we could pawn the leftovers off onto our friends once the missus and I agreed that it was not our cup of culinary tea. But then something beautiful happened: I found a mushroom dish I love and she agrees that this is the first time she's ever savored a rice dish. The key, obviously, is a lot of butter, bringing out complementary flavors with thyme and sherry, and (possibly) the several cocktails we drank before dinner. But in the end, we kept 100 percent of the leftovers and voraciously wolfed them down over the next few days, while our friends were sent home with mushy potatoes and overly crumbly stuffing. We won.

So you don't actually have to use wild mushrooms--store-bought will do just fine too. Either way, mixing it up with a couple different varieties will definitely add complexity. I also just added 12 ounces because I was afraid of this dish being too mushroom-ee. But even speaking as somebody who normally steers clear of fungi, this could have certainly been increased. And if you love mushrooms, you could probably double the toadstool quotient and be quite happy.

I've read that Wisconsin wild rice is desirable because the growing and harvesting regulations are more controlled (and thus sustainable) there. Some folks even claim the rice tastes better. However, I have so far been unable to track down anything that was explicitly labeled as such here in Boulder. So I go with what's on hand. But certainly grab the real thing if you can.

Prep time: 2 cocktails

6 TBSP butter

1 medium leek, white portion only, rinsed well and chopped

12 ounces mixed fresh mushrooms, such as white button, shiitake, morel and wood ear, brushed clean, sliced

2 cups wild rice, rinsed and drained (use only wild rice, not a blend)

1/4 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley, plus additional for garnishing

8 sprigs fresh thyme

½ cup pine nuts

Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste

2/3 cup dry cooking sherry, (do not use cream or sweet sherry)

Bring 8 cups water to a boil. Stir in rice, then reduce heat so liquid is just simmering. Cover and cook until rice grains puff up and the inner, lighter part is visible, about 40 minutes. Drain excess liquid from rice and set aside.

Meanwhile, melt butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add leek and mushrooms and cook, stirring occasionally, until they have released their liquid and are mushrooms are darkening and have mostly cooked all their moisture out and are sticking a little to the pan. Deglaze with sherry and add thyme. And cook the sherry almost completely off.

Now, to the mushroom mixture, add the wild rice, pine nuts, parsley, salt, pepper to taste. Cook for another minute or so.

Stir in thyme and pine nuts and garnish with some additional parsley, and transfer the pilaf to a warmed serving dish and serve immediately.

Vegetarian bibimbap - the best recipe ever?

I regularly slave over meals for whole afternoons. It's not at all uncommon for me to ferment vegetables, nuts, or condiments for weeks in preparation of a particular dinner. My Thanksgiving menu planning starts in mid-June in a typical year. In addition to being a kitchen slut, I'm an over-analytical type-A scientist with OCD and too much spare time.... What I'm trying to say is that I tend to overdo things in the kitchen. So it came as a bit of a pleasant shock today when the love of my life told me no less than 7 times that the dinner I made last night was the best meal I've ever made. And it was a breeze to whip up. So gone are my days of sleuthing through a dozen spice stores to find the freshest ajowan seeds in order to make some obscure Pakistani dish. In the future, I'll just whip up a quick bibimbap and spend the rest of my newfound free time soaking up lavish praise and compliments.

So what the fuck is bibimbap? In addition to a wildly popular 1997 hit song by teenage heartthrob brother band Hansen, it's a wonderfully vibrant, flavorful, and satisfying Korean medley of rice, vegetables, eggs, and hot sauce. Optional are beef, if you're of the carnivorous persuasion or tofu, if you're a fellow Chaco-wearing, leg-shaving vegetarian such as myself. Either way, you simply not go wrong with this meal. Just ask the love of my life!

Prep time: 2 cocktails

Rice:

1 cup forbidden black rice

1 TBSP rice vinegar

1/2 tsp salt

Sauce:

3 TBSP gochujang (a Korean chili paste available at Asian grocers or in the Asian aisle of many supermarkets)

1 tsp toasted sesame oil

2 tsp agave nectar

1 TBSP rice vinegar

1 tsp ginger, minced or very finely grated (optional)

Vegetables:

1/2 cucumber, sliced into the thinnest wheels you can possibly make (a mandolin is helpful if you have one)

2 TBSP rice vinegar

Several TBSP neutral oil with high smoke point (canola or avocado oil are great options), divided

1 large carrot, julienned 

8 ounces shiitake mushrooms, sliced into 1/2-inch strips

4 cloves garlic

12 ounces (about one bunch) spinach, stems removed and chopped up a bit

1 1/2 tsp toasted sesame oil

2 TBSP soy sauce

2 TBSP mirin cooking wine (available in the Asian aisle of most supermarkets)

4 scallions

4 eggs

4 ounces bean sprouts

1 sheet nori (sushi wrapper) or similar Korean seaweed, chopped up coarsely with a knife or scissors

Several generous pinches sesame seeds

First, get the rice started. Combine all the rice ingredients, along with 1 3/4 cup water in a rice cooker or saucepan with a lid. Bring to a boil and simmer, covered, until liquid is absorbed and rice is tender. Keep warm.

After the rice gets going, toss the cucumbers with several generous pinches of salt and place them in a colander or strainer to let excess water drip out. After 20-30 minutes, transfer cucumbers to a bowl and toss with the 2 TBSP of rice vinegar.

As the cucumbers are sitting in the colander, prepare the sauce by whisking together all the sauce ingredients. Set aside.

Now, heat a TBSP or so of your neutral cooking oil on medium heat in a frying pan or wok. Toss in the carrots and saute until they've turned golden are are a bit blistered, about 10 minutes. Set aside.

Return your pan or wok to stovetop, reduce heat to medium (or a little less) and heat up a couple more TBSP of the neutral cooking oil. Add mushrooms and cook about 8 minutes, until they turn a bit golden. Add garlic and stir for  about 30 seconds. Add spinach and cook until it's well-wilted, about 3 minutes. Stir in toasted sesame oil, soy sauce, mirin, and scallions and remove from heat and transfer to a covered bowl to keep warm. 

Now use a large frying pan (you can use the same one from the vegetables if it's big enough) and add 1-2 more TBSP of your neutral cooking oil. When pan and oil are totally hot, add eggs and cook sunny-side-up. 

As eggs are finishing, build your bibimbap bowls. Start with a big mound of rice in the bottom. Add a small heap of cucumbers, carrots, mushroom/spinach combo, and bean sprouts. Top with eggs and garnish with pieces of seaweed and sesame seeds. Serve with generous drizzles of the hot sauce. Then drink massive amounts of soju and bask in the compliments of your dinner companions!

Filthy, Dirty Rice

Dirty rice is a Creole dish that gets that name because it is traditionally speckled with chicken liver and giblets. Er, no thanks. Instead, I opt for a hearty combination of cajun spices to give this dish some serious kick. But fear naught, dear reader! This substitution sacrifices nothing in terms of authenticity or awesomeness. In fact, if anything, it makes my recipe superior to the giblet-centric version, thus making it not just dirty rice but filthy, dirty rice! Maybe even despicable, grimy, filthy, dirty rice. How could you not want to make that for your family?! 

Serve with meatless Louisiana red beans. 

Prep time: 1 cocktail

3 TBSP olive oil, divided

2+ cloves garlic

½ cup chopped onion

3-5 stalks celery, chopped

½ green bell pepper, chopped

1 cup uncooked brown rice

1-2 Tomatoes

1.5 cups water

¾ tsp ground thyme

¾ tsp oregano

¾ tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

½ tsp cayenne (or more to taste)

1 TBSP Cajun seasoning

3-5 bay leaves

Heat 1 TBSP of oil and add the garlic and onion, sauté a couple minutes Add celery and pepper and sauté another couple minutes. Remove from heat.

In separate saucepan with lid, heat the remaining 2 Tbsp olive oil over medium high heat. Add rice and stir very frequently until the rice turns nice and toasty brown.

Add vegetable mixture, tomatoes, water, all spices, and bay leaves to the rice. Bring to a boil, then cover and reduce to a simmer. Cook until the rice is done (45 minutes-1 hour). Remove and let rest, covered, a couple minutes, fluff with a fork and adjust seasoning to taste.

Smoked Haitian Rice

Rice with native mushrooms and smoked meat is common in Haiti. Instead of native mushrooms, I use shiitake; in place of pork, I chose liquid smoke; and rather than using the traditional white rice, I go with far awesomer Bhutanese red rice (available at most natural grocers). The result is a nutty, smoky, earthy flavor that as a great contrast to the spicy and sweet notes in other Caribbean dishes, especially Cuban Black Beans or Vegetarian Jamaican Curried Goat. 

Prep time: 1 cocktail

3 TBSP peanut or vegetable oil

¼ cup onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 cup Bhutanese red rice

1/2 cup shiitake mushrooms, chopped coarsely

16 drops liquid smoke

2 cups veggie stock

Several good grinds of pepper

¼ cup coarsely chopped pecans or macadamia nuts

1 scallion, chopped

Heat oil in a medium-size saucepan over medium heat. When warm, add onion and sauté for two minutes, or until they begin to turn just slightly transparent. Add garlic and sauté another minute. Stir in rice and continue to stir constantly until rice starts to change color and gives off a nice toasted aroma, about 3-4 minutes.

Add mushrooms, liquid smoke, veggie stock, and pepper. Stir well and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and cover until the rice is fully cooked—about 45 minutes.

When it’s done, remove from heat, add nuts and scallion and fluff everything well with a fork. Adjust liquid smoke or salt as necessary.

I Love Rice, But Do Jollof Rice?

Sorry. That pun is Gawd-awful. Thankfully, the rice is much, much better!

Jollof rice is ubiquitous across West Africa. It's prepared differently in different areas. So consider this only a starter recipe. You can add about any types of vegetable, spice, or protein that you think would go well in here. I've added sauteed seitan, fried plantains, carrot, peas, corn, peanuts, and shrimp powder. Those who are meatier among us commonly add chicken or sausage.

This rice goes great with anything West African. We made it with some kick-ass roasted fish and veggies, but you can also serve it with red-red, meat, or anything else that grabs your fancy. Jollofit! (sorry)

Prep time: 1 cocktail (3 cocktails, if you count cooking time)

1 large onion, very finely minced
3 TBSP oil
1 1/4 cup rice (I usually just use long-grain brown)
3 ounces tomato paste
2" piece of ginger, chopped
1-2 habenero peppers, chopped
1 tsp thyme
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp ground nutmeg

1 cup water

1 cup veggie stock
1 cup very finely minced tomatoes


Heat the oil in a big saucepan that has a snug lid over medium heat. Add onions and saute, stirring occasionally until the onions start to turn transparent, about 5-6 minutes.

While onions are cooking, combine tomato paste, ginger, habenero, thyme, cumin, coriander, and nutmeg in a food processor with a couple tablespoons of water. Puree it all into a smooth paste and set aside.

Once onions have turned transparent, add the tomato paste puree and the rice. Stir frequently for about 5 minutes.

Add water, veggie stock, and tomatoes. Stir well, bring to a boil, cover, and reduce to a simmer. Cook until all liquid is absorbed. If rice is still crunchy but all the liquid is cooked off, add some more water or stock. Cooking time takes over an hour. 

Brown Rice Challow

Challow, a spiced Afghan rice, is usually made with basmati. I prefer brown, but you can use pretty much anything. 

Prep time: 1/4 cocktail (not including baking time)  

1 cup brown rice

1 tsp salt

2 TBSP oil

2 tsp cardamom

2 tsp whole cumin seeds

Preheat oven to 350.

Put 3 1/2 cups water in a Dutch oven or other saucepan that's oven safe and has a snug lid. Bring to boil.

While you're waiting for the water to boil. Soak rice in a bowl full of cold water a minute and work it well with your fingers. Drain, rinse, and repeat a couple times.

Once the pot of water is boiling, add your strained rice. Bring to boil, uncovered and boil 10 minutes.

Stir in remaining ingredients and put lid on and put the pot into the oven. Bake about an hour until the water is all absorbed and the rice is tender.

After you remove it, let it rest for a few minutes and fluff with a fork before serving.

Holy Dolmas!

Dolmas are the amazingly delicious stuffed grape leaves that you might recognize from Middle Eastern restaurants or the salad bar at your natural grocer. Making dolmas from scratch is a bit time-consuming compared with buying the canned variety, but the flavor is even better. Serving these with tzatziki dip or hummus will make you the hit of any party (read: you're not going home alone).

The grape leaves in this recipe can be purchased at any Middle East grocer and most large natural food stores. You can also use your own, if you happen to have grape vines nearby. Just blanch fresh leaves in boiling water for 2-3 minutes or until they soften up. And if you’re using canned leaves, be sure to rinse the brine off them before using.

You can use forbidden black, sushi, brown, or plain old white rice for this recipe. I like forbidden black because the high gluten helps everything stick together and it looks cool. 

Prep time: 2 cocktails

18 or so grape leaves

1 medium red onion, chopped fairly finely

1 cup olive oil, divided

1 cup prepared forbidden black rice

1/3 cup fresh mint, finely chopped

1/3 cup fresh Italian flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped

A small handful of fresh dill (finely chopped) or a few shakes dried dill (optional)

2 tsp salt

½ cup pine nuts, finely chopped (optional)

Juice of 2 lemons

Blanch grape leaves if you're using fresh; rinse if you're using canned. Set aside.

To prepare filling: In a large frying pan or wok, heat ¼ cup of the olive oil on medium heat. Sauté onion 6 minutes, stirring frequently. Add rice, mint, parsley, dill (if using), salt, and pine nuts and sauté one more minute, stirring constantly. Remove from heat.

To fill each grape leave, place the smooth side DOWN. Add about 1-2 tsp rice mixture per leaf (though this will vary, depending on leaf size). Fold the leaf in half, then fold in sides. Then roll up like a burrito. Be sure you roll tightly, or else they’ll unwrap during cooking.

Arrange the dolmas in a single layer in big round pot or pan that has a snug-fitting lid. Top the dolmas with the remaining ¾ cup olive oil and lemon juice. Next, place a plate on top of dolmas so they don’t float away when you add water… but be careful not to crush them!

Now add BOILING water so it just covers the dolmas (if they’re not tightly packed, only submerge till they’re 2/3 covered).

Place the dolma pot on the stovetop and turn the heat to high. Bring the water to a boil, then put the lid on an reduce to simmer for 60 minutes or until liquid is absorbed.

Once liquid is all cooked off, remove from heat and allow to cool in pot (moving them while hot will break the leaves). Once cool, remove. Serve at room temp or slightly chilled. An extra sprinkle of salt and some lemon wedges are good accompaniments.

International Sushi: Four Ways

Pics (top to bottom):

--The Chinaman is Not the Issue

--I Want to Dreadlock and Roll Every Night (And Sushi Every Day)

--The Muppet

--The Music Critic

So world-famous music blogger Kathleen Tarrant came over last night for a novice chef sushi-off. I'm not sure who won, but I was surprised at how easy, fun, and fast sushi-making is. We covered four very-not-Japanese styles of cuisine with our rolls: Chinese, Jamaican, Brazilian, and American.

My recipes are in regular font, hers are in italics.

Whose cuisine will reign supreme? You be the judge!

Prep time: 2-3 cocktails (for all four rolls)

Sushi Rice (for 4 rolls):

1 ½ cup white sushi rice (don't use any other type!)

1 ¾ cup water

3 TBSP rice vinegar

2 TBSP sugar

1 tsp salt

4 sheets of nori (available at any natural grocer or Asian market)

Start by washing the rice. In a large bowl add cold water to the rice. Stir it around with your hands for several seconds and strain out water. Repeat this process over and over until the water is clear after swishing. It can take a while.

Bring water to a boil. Add rice, cover, and reduce to a low simmer. Cook 20 minutes (a little less if you're at sea level), and remove from heat. Let it rest, still covered, for 15 minutes.

While rice sits, whisk together vinegar, sugar, and salt (to get everything to dissolve, you might want to warm the mixture up in the microwave for 45 or so seconds.

After your rice has sat for the 15 minutes, VERY GENTLY stir in the vinegar mixture--be careful not to mash any of the rice.

You want to start building the rolls while the rice is still hot. On a sushi mat, lay a sheet of Nori, followed by rice, followed by toppings. It's difficult to describe sushi rolling. So I recommend you just hop onto YouTube and pull up some sushi rolling directions. A few minutes of video will have you rolling like a pro!

Two rolling notes:

1)We didn't bother with plastic wrap--as some of the directions recommended--and our rolls turned out fine.

2)Use a SHARP knife when you cut the rolls and rinse off and dry the knife after each slice you make. Failure to do so will result in mangled sushi.

The Chinaman is Not the Issue:

This is my nod to The Big Lebowski as the finest cinematic masterpiece ever made. And the beautiful simplicity of Chinese cuisine. Only a few ingredients here, yet the result is more delicious than a White Russian in Jackie Treehorn's Malibu Estate. If you don't get these cultural references, call me. I'll come to your house tonight and show you a movie that will change your life.

It really brings the room together.

1 very small sweet potato, baked and peeled

½ tsp Chinese 5-spice powder

½ tsp salt

A couple splashes coconut milk (water is an acceptable substitute)

Prepared sushi rice

Several carrot matchsticks, sliced lengthwise

1-2 scallions, sliced lengthwise

Several thin slivers of orange zest

2 TBSP hoisin sauce

2 TBSP soy sauce

Mash the sweet potato, Chinese 5-spice, salt, and coconut milk or water with a fork.

Construct your roll: On nori, spread the rice. Add the mashed sweet potato, carrot, scallion, and orange zest.

Slice into 8 or so rolls.

With a fork, whisk together hoisin and soy sauce for dipping.

And remember, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

I Want to Dreadlock and Roll All Night (And Sushi Every Day):

Jamaican sushi? YES! It's the culinary equivalent of a reggae-themed anime film. It sounds so oddly intriguing that you at first want to check it out for sheer novelty value. But next thing you know, you're telling all your friends how cool it is!

This recipe calls for Pickapeppa sauce. If you don't already know and love Pickapeppa, I can tell you that it is the single greatest substance known to man. Seriously. It's a Jamaican barbecue sauce made with cloves, mango, and other delicious tidbits. Pickapeppa is available at any large grocery store or natural food market. It makes everything delicious--from eggs to steak to Jamaican sushi.

Prepared sushi rice

2 ounces steamed crab meat

2 TBSP whipped cream cheese (or more to taste)

Several matchsticks of cucumber, sliced lengthwise

Several matchsticks peeled mango

Pickapeppa sauce for dipping (or a combination ½ Pickapeppa, 3/8 soy sauce, 1/8 wasabi)

On nori, spread the rice. Add crab, cream cheese, cucumber, and mango. Roll up and slice into 8 or so rolls. Dip into the Pickapeppa. Savor. Repeat.

The Music Critic:

Music critics, as people, tend to be a little crabby and sour due to low pay and perceived lack of appreciation of our inherent genius. We also can be more than a little nutty due to many hours in the sun at sprawling music festivals. If there is one group of people that can be embodied by something that looks so homogenous on the outside but is overflowing with what to the untrained eye can look like insanity…it’s music critics. If you don’t like it…well…we liked your old stuff better, anyway.

Prepared sushi rice

2 ounces cooked crab meat

¼ avocado, sliced thinly

1 TBSP almonds chopped coarse

3 sundried tomato halves slivered

½ lemon (about 2 tsp lemon juice)

Soy sauce

Assemble the roll with rice, crab, avocado, almond, and sun dried tomato. Squeeze the lemon juice over everything before you roll it up. Roll and slice into about 8 rolls. Dip into soy sauce,

The Muppet:

Based on one very simple, timeless thought; you put the lime in the coconut. It healed Kermit. It can heal you.

Coconut/Cilantro Dipping Sauce

½ of a 14-oz can of coconut milk

2 TBSP skim milk

2 tsp white flour

2 TBSP chopped cilantro

Heat both milks until they reach a boil on medium/high heat, turn down to low, whisk in flour. Remove from heat, add cilantro. Let cool.

Once you've finished with the dipping sauce, it's time to make the roll.

1/2 of a 14-ounce can of black beans, drained

1 1/2 tsp prepared wasabi

Prepared sushi rice

2 ounces sushi-grade raw salmon, cut into strips

2 strips peeled cucumber (½ inch thick), cut lengthwise

1 scallion, sliced thinly lengthwise

3 tsp lime zest or 4 small slivers of lime rind

Make a black bean mash by mashing the beans and wasabi together with a fork (note that you'll have some left over).

Spread the rice on a nori mat. Top with all the remaining ingredients for the roll. Slice into 8 or so pieces. Dip into the coconut-cilantro dipping sauce.

Nepalese Dal: The Sacred Honda Civic of the Culinary World

When I traveled to Nepal, this is what everybody ate. It’s called Dal Bhat, or lentils with rice. It’s impossible to overstate the importance of this dish in parts of India and Nepal. I was told that many people will go their entire lives without ever eating anything except this dish. During my few months there, I ate this for every meal myself.

While this dish excels in reliability, it lags a bit in sexy department.... It's kind of the Honda Civic of the culinary world. It's sacred to millions, but if you want some excitement for dinner, I recommend you make another Indian or Nepalese recipe and serve this as a side dish. Much like Steve Buscemi, dal bhat is always best in a supporting role.

Prep time: 1 cocktail

1 cup brown lentils
2 tsp ground coriander
½-inch piece ginger
2 tsp ground turmeric
½ pound fresh spinach or beet greens, chopped (optional)
2 TBSP ghee, butter, or oil
1 tsp whole cumin seeds
1 tsp salt
2 tsp lemon juice
A dash of cayenne
Prepared rice (I like Forbidden Black)

In medium-sized saucepan, bring 4 cups of water to a boil. Add lentils, coriander, ginger, and turmeric. Stirring occasionally, bring to boil, then cover and reduce to a simmer, peeking in occasionally to stir. Continue stirring occasionally until the lentils begin to soften, about 30 minutes.

Remove lid and add spinach or beet greens, if using.

After adding the greens, in a medium frying pan or wok, heat the ghee over medium-high heat. When it’s up to temperature, add the cumin and fry until seeds turn a nice golden-brown. Immediately transfer the ghee and seeds to the lentils being careful not to splatter. Also add the salt, lemon juice and cayenne. Stir well and cook another couple minutes before serving over rice.

Fried Forbidden Black Rice

Hawt Damn, this is good. Probably my favorite fried rice recipe, in fact. This goes great with Mapo Doufu, as the mild umami notes in the rice complement the fiery tofu quite well.

I’ve discovered fried rice is best if you are using cold rice, as it tends to clump less. So if possible, make the rice a few hours ahead of time and chill it (or use leftover rice). And you don’t have to stick with broccoli, cabbage, and carrots. You can use any veggies you like: eggplant, peas, bell peppers, sprouts, bok choi, spinach, mushrooms, water chestnuts, and just about anything else you want to throw in there is fine. Just remember to wait until you are almost done cooking before you add the tender veggies, like sprouts. Tofu, shrimp, or meat can also be added. And finally, you can use any type of rice--I just really love Forbidden Black.

Prep time: 3/4 cocktail (about 20 minutes)

3 TBSP soy sauce
3 TBSP oyster sauce
1 TBSP rice vinegar
2 tsp sugar
1 TBSP Siracha (optional)
6 TBSP peanut oil, divided
½ of a medium red onion, sliced into thin slivers
1 small floret broccoli, broken or cut up
2-inch piece of ginger, grated
5 cloves garlic, minced
1-2 carrots, cut into matchsticks
1 cup of cabbage, shredded
2-3 eggs, beaten
2 cups prepared, chilled rice (Forbidden Black, or any other type)
1 big dash of white pepper or ground Szechuan peppercorns, if available
4 green onions, chopped

In a small bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, oyster sauce, rice vinegar, sugar, and Siracha. Set aside.

Put a wok over high heat and add 2 TBSP of peanut oil. When it gets hot (but before it starts smoking), add red onion and broccoli and sauté for a 30 seconds. Add ginger and garlic and stir fry for 30 more seconds. Add carrot and cabbage and sauté for another minute or two until the cabbage is a bit tender but not mushy. Remove from heat and transfer to a bowl.

Return the wok to the stovetop and add 2 more TBSP peanut oil. When hot, add egg and scramble the hell out of the egg—you don’t want any very big pieces remaining. When egg is cooked (BUT NOT DRIED OUT!) remove and transfer to a second bowl.

Now return the wok to the heat and add remaining 2 TBSP of oil. When hot, add the rice. Break up any clumpiness in the rice as you stir fry it. Now comes the critical part—once it’s all hot and broken up, you want to stop stirring the rice for a minute or two, so that the grains on the bottom become a bit crisped (if you want very fried rice, you can stir it up and let it cook like this a second time). Add the pepper and scallions and stir fry it all for 15 more seconds.

Now toss in the veggie mixture and egg mixture, as well as the soy sauce mixture. Stir fry everything for a few more seconds, remove, and let sit a minute before serving.