Vegan (or not) kimchi tuna melt

If you didn't already know, you can make a vegetarian tuna salad with mashed garbanzo means instead of tuna and the flavor profile and texture are almost identical. This takes the concept and elevates it more with kimchi. It's a kinda-healthy-kinda-indulgent, unique, delicious lunch!

Kimchi "tuna" salad:

1 cup kimchi, chopped up, retain the juices
1 15-ounce can garbanzo beans (or 2-3 cans tuna), drained
1/3 cup mayonnaise (vegan or non vegan)
1 TBSP rice vinegar
Dash of fish sauce (optional but highly recommended)
1-2 TBSP dijon or Korean mustard
2 celery ribs, chopped
2 scallions, sliced
1 1/2 tsp toasted sesame oil

3/4-1 tsp ginger grated with a microplane

Small handful sesame seeds, shelled sunflower seeds, or a combination

For the sandwiches:

Good sandwich bread (I recommend good artisnal sourdough, but any sandwich bread will do)
Cheese (vegan or normal): sharp cheddar, grueyere, or brie are all great options

Bonito flakes (nori strips are a good vegan substution)
Veggies (optional) (quick pickled carrots or cucumbers, sprouts, fried plantains, smashed avacado, or sliced jalepenos are all great)

Soft fried egg (optional)

Optional step: if kimchi has too much of a bite, you can caramelize it a little on the stovetop before making the "tuna" salad. This will sweeten and mellow the kimchi a fair amount. 

Combine garbanzos, mayo, vinegar, fish sauce, and mustard in a medium mixing bowl. Mash with a potato masher until you get a tuna salad consistency.

Stir in kimchi (caramelized or raw -- and don't forget the juices), celery, scallions, sesame oil, ginger, and seeds. Adjust flavors to taste. 

Make the sandwiches like any tuna melt: heat a skillet and brush bread with oil or some butter, add tuna salad and cheese and cook until bread is toasted and cheese is melted. 

Remove from heat, open sandwich up, add bonito flakes to taste, veggies, and egg (if using). Put the sandwich back together and enjoy!

Somali chickpea and potato stew

This is an adapted version of Somali beef stew, bariis maraq, but I use chickpeas instead of beef. But if you want something a little more meaty, I recommend using 1 pound of seitan that is chopped into steak-like strips or pieces, sautéed until a tad browned, then added to the stew 5-10 minutes before the end of cooking. 

Prep time: 2 cocktails

1 very large red onion (or 2 medium onions), finely minced a food processor is great for this, just don't make it completely into a slurry
3 TBSP neutral-tasting oil, like canola or avacado
6 cloves garlic, minced
2 TBSP Xawaash
2 potatoes, chopped into 3/4" cubes
2 TBSP tomato paste or ~2 tomatoes chopped
6 stalks celery (chopped in half or thirds, so they fit inside pan)
2 cans garbanzo beans, drained

1 red bell pepper and/or 1-2 carrots, all chopped (both are optional)
3-4 cups veggie stock homemade or store-bought

Lime wedges and cilantro for serving

Fried banana wheels for serving, optional

Heat a dry large medium to large saucepan or dutch oven over medium heat. When hot, add onions and dry-saute for 5-8 minutes, until the onion have become a little translucent and soft and might stick just a tiny bit to the bottom of the pan.

Increase heat to medium-high, add oil, stir well and then stir in garlic. Saute garlic 2 minutes, stirring frequently. Add spice mixture and stir frequently for 1 more minute.

Add potatoes, tomato paste, celery stalks, garbanzos, carrots/bell pepper (if using), and stock. Stir well and bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer, cover, and cook until potatoes are fully cooked, about 10-20 minutes, stirring occasionally. 

Once cooked, remove lid, discard celery, and cook until desired consistency is reached (should be a nice thick stew that can be served over rice). If too thick, add a little water or stock. Adjust salt and seasoning. Finish with a few squeezes of lime and a sprinkle of cilantro leaves, as well as fried banana, if eating.

Vegan Cassoulet (yes, you read that correctly)

Prep time: 3 cocktails

1 pound flagoulet, navy, or other small to medium white beans

3 tbsp olive oil

1 onion, finely chopped

2-3 carrots, finely chopped

2-3 ribs celery, finely chopped

8 ounces fresh mushrooms, pulsed in food processor into 1/8 inch bits (about 8-10 pulses)

12-15 cloves garlic, minced

1 oz dried mushrooms, ground into a slightly coarse/chunky powder

5 cups homemade veggie broth

1.5 cups red wine

3 TBSP soy sauce (fish sauce is also great)

1.5 tsp liquid smoke

6 Bay leaves

4-6 sprigs fresh thyme

2-3 sprigs fresh rosemary

2 whole cloves

Salt and pepper to taste (usually about 2.5 tsp tsp salt)

¼ cup Italian parsley, minced

Breadcrumbs

Soak beans overnight. Rinse well and drain.

In a large, oven-safe dutch oven, heat oil over medium heat and add onions, carrot, and celery. Saute until starts to turn translucent to a little golden, about 12 minutes. Add fresh mushroom bits and garlic. Saute until liquid is mostly cooked off and bits are sticking to pan (but not burned), about 15 minutes, while scraping the stuck-on bits occasionally with a metal or wooden spatula. Add dried mushroom powder and cook another 6 or so minutes, while also completely scraping the browning bits on the bottom of the pan every 30 seconds or so using your spatula. Let the mixture cook and brown to the bottom one last minute without scraping.

(Note that these browned--but not burned!--bits that you scrape off the bottom of the pan give the cassoulet the majority of the flavor. So, extend the process of scraping and stirring even longer, if it seems as though you can)

Deglaze (unstick the delicious browned bits at the bottom of the pan) mushroom mixture with wine, soy sauce, and liquid smoke. Bring to boil. Now add veggie stock, drained beans, bay leaves, thyme, cloves, rosemary and bring to a boil and cook until beans are soft and excess liquid has cooked off (adding water, if necessary).

Now, preheat oven to broil.

Fish out thyme sprigs, bay leaves, and rosemary.

Adjust salt and pepper to taste.

Stir in Italian parsley. Toss bread crumbs with a little olive oil and sprinkle top of cassoulet. Put it all in the oven and broil until bread crumbs brown (but don’t burn!).

Rajma - A fantastic Indian dish for those who are lentiled-out

While I do love Indian food, I have to admit that I'm not really a huge fan of lentils, which are a pretty essential staple of the cuisine--especially for us vegetarians.  But if you're like me, fear not! This is a fantastic alternative to get your lentil fix in a new and different way. It's a Punjabi dish that some have likened to an Indian version of chili. While I'm not quite sure it's the best analogy, it does give you an idea of what this dish is like: hearty, rich, comfort food!

Prep time: 2 cocktails

1 pound dried kidney beans
2 bay leaves
4 tomatoes, chopped
6 TBSP ghee, divided
2 1/2 TBSP coriander seeds
1 TBSP cumin seeds
1/2 tsp thyme
1 tsp garam masala
1 teaspoon turmeric
1 TBSP salt
3 TBSP ginger, grated with a microplane or the finest grating of a box grater
Juice of 1 medium lemon
2-3 teaspoons whole fennel seeds
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped

Soak beans overnight. Rinse well and combine in large pot with bay leaves, tomatoes, 1 TBSP of the ghee, and four cups or so of water. Boil until beans are soft, adding water as necessary. A pressure cooker will make this go by a lot faster.

Once beans are cooked, remove 3/4 cup or so of beans and mash up in a bowl with a fork or potato masher. Return to the pot of beans.

Next, combine coriander seeds, cumin seeds, and thyme in a spice grinder. Grind into a powder. Transfer to the bowl of a food processor and add garam masala, turmeric, salt, ginger, and lemon juice.

Now, in a large Dutch oven, melt the remaining ghee over medium heat. Once it's melted, add the spice paste and simmer for 90 seconds or so. Then add the bean mixture and bring to a boil. then reduce and simmer until excess liquid is cooked off and you've achieved a chili-like consistency. Then stir in fennel seeds and cook 2-3 more minutes. Stir in cilantro and serve.

Holy mole! You'll love this chole!

Chole is a north Indian chickpea dish that is simply amazing! Usually made with Indian staples of dark chickpeas called kala chana dal, mango powder, and a few other tough-to-find ingredients. So I've adapted it to be a little more favorable to ingredients I can get locally. But it's still every bit as good!

Prep time: 2 cocktails

1 pound dried chickpeas
4-5 tea bags of black tea
Salt
1 28-ounce can whole tomatoes, juice reserved
1 tsp coriander seeds
8 cloves
1/2 tsp cardamom
1/4 tsp fenugreek
4 TBSP ghee
2 bay leaves
1 cinnamon stick
1 tsp whole cumin seeds
1 large onion, minced
1 TBSP ginger grated with microplane or finest grating of a box grater
1-2 serrano peppers, minced
3-4 cloves garlic
2 TBSP tamarind paste (Mileage will vary depending on brand--be careful. I use Tamicon brand.)
2 small pinches hing (aka asafetida) -- careful! Don't overdo it! (optional)
1/2 bunch of cilantro, coarsely chopped

Soak the chickpeas in water with a couple tablespoons baking soda overnight. Before you're ready to cook the chickpeas the following day, brew the teabags into about 4 cups of strong black tea and discard teabags. Then rinse chickpeas very well, place in a pot with 1 tsp salt, tea, and water until chickpeas are covered and bring to boil. Cook until soft, about 2-4 hours (a pressure cooker can do this in just a few minutes), adding water as necessary.

Once chickpeas are soft, cook off most of the remaining liquid.

In a food processor, pulse the tomatoes and tomato sauce a few times until broken down into chunks but not a smooth puree. Set aside.

Now, combine coriander, cloves, cardamom, and fenugreek in a spice grinder and grind into a powder. Set aside.

Heat the ghee in a large dutch oven over medium heat. When melted, add bay leaves and cinnamon stick. Simmer for 10-20 seconds. Add all the spices from the grinder, as well as the whole cumin seeds. Simmer for another 10-20 seconds, until it all becomes aromatic. Add onions and saute 5 minutes, or until translucent. Add ginger and pepper. Saute 1 more minute. Add garlic and simmer an additional minute. Now, add tomatoes, chickpeas and any remaining cooking liquid, 1 tsp salt, and tamarind. Bring to boil, then reduce to a simmer, uncovered for at least 20 minutes, until all the excess liquid has cooked off and tomatoes have broken down fairly well. Adjust salt, spices, and tamarind, as needed. Add hing, if using.

Serve with cilantro as a garnish.

Tetela! An amazing Mixtec stuffed taco!

Living in Oaxaca has it's perks. We recently took a cooking class from a local Mixtec woman. The Mixteca are one of many indigenous groups who call our state home. In addition to teaching my wife and I our first Mixtec word ("nuni", which is corn), she taught us a few recipes. This is by far my favorite. It's tetala--basically a stuffed bean pocket with cheese and salsa on top. They're great finger food when you want something a little different!

Note that you'll need a cheap tortilla press for this recipe. If you don't already have one, you can grab one at a Mexican market or online for a few bucks.

Prep time: 2 cocktails
1 batch tortilla dough - NOTE: just make the dough in this recipe, don't form or cook into tortillas
1 batch sexy Oaxacan black beans
1 batch Oaxacan salsa (or another favorite salsa)
Crumbled queso fresco or crumbled queso blanco (optional)

You start by lining your tortilla press with plastic wrap on the bottom. Then roll a ball of tortilla dough about the size of a golf ball. Place it in the center of the tortilla press and put another sheet of plastic on top. Press until you get a 6-8 inch ball that's twice the thickness of a normal tortilla (you might have to adjust the amount of dough up or down a bit from golf ball size).

Remove the top plastic sheet and put a heaping 1 TBSP dollup of beans in the center and spread it out a little bit. Now, fold the tortilla in thirds so it's totally enclosing the beans. Photos are below demonstrating this.

Now, heat a dry frying pan over medium-low to medium heat. Transfer your tetela to the pan and cook until the bottom is a tad browned, just as if you were cooking tortillas. Flip and repeat. Top with cheese and salsa and eat with your hands or with a fork! Amazing!

Note: I searched the internet high and low for photos of this process since I've so far failed to take photos every time I've made this recipe. I found these pics on a blog called Mexico In My Kitchen. After subsequently spending way too much time on this blog, I can honestly say that I'm in love with the creator's recipes. She has some truly great stuff. If you're into Mexican cooking, it's a great resource for fresh ideas! A new favorite!!

Southern Mexican black beans: Giving a sexy makeover to a humble legume

After living part-time in Oaxaca for the last few years, I still can’t get enough of the black beans here. They’re sublime. Finally, after asking around, I learned they key is avocado leaves! They make your boring run-of-the mill black beans into something amazing. It’s like those daytime shows when they give some frumpy dude in sweats a makeover and you realize with some new clothes and a decent haircut, he’s a real ladykiller. That’s the same with these beans. Just a few simple changes to your old, boring beans will make an amazing, delicious, complex black bean wonder. If only the makeover guy knew this recipe, he could have just picked up all the ladies without even having to ditch his sweats and dumpy haircut. Oh well.

Note that you can get epazote and dried avocado leaves at most Mexican grocers and maybe some specialty grocers. You can also order them on Amazon.

Prep time: 1/2 cocktail (after the beans are cooked)

Bean base:

2 pounds of black beans

1 small bunch fresh epazote or a scant handful of dried

1 onion, chopped

1 head of garlic, unpeeled and whole

Salt

For each batch batch of sexy makeover beans:

3 dried chilies (I like Pasilla or Guajillo)

7 dried avocado leaves

1-2 cups of the beans from the bean base
1 TBSP neutral cooking oil, like canola

Soak the beans overnight. Then rinse well and put in a Dutch oven with at least a couple quarts of water and bring to boil. Stir occasionally and add more water, as needed. Cook until soft, usually a few hours. But when they’re about 40 minutes from that point, stir in epazote onion, and garlic. Salt to taste. When beans are finished, fish out and discard the garlic head and epazote (if you used fresh).

Once your beans are done, toast the chilies and avocado leaves in a dry frying pan over medium high heat for a few minutes until they become highly aromatic and maybe a tad charred.

Transfer 1-2 cups of the beans plus the toasted chilies and avocado leaves to a blender or food processor. Puree until smooth.

Now take a small frying pan and heat the oil.  Transfer the contents of the the blender to the pan and sautee the pureed beans until they become “dry” to the point they clump together a little bit and are no longer runny (like in the photo above).

You will have a fair amount of leftover bean base. You can make additional batches of sexy makeover beans by repeating the process with the peppers and avocado leaves or use the beans for other purposes.

Cincinnati Chili: The Best Comfort Food You've Never Heard Of

Cincinnati chili may be my single favorite comfort food. It's rich, filling, easy, and is so, so good when it's cold outside. Or I just want to eat myself stupid. Or it's a day that ends in a 'Y'. Whatever. 

So, you may be asking, what the fuck is Cincinnati chili? Well, my pretty, you asked the right Wikipedia user! Invented in 1922, Cincinnati chili is different from Tex-Mex chili because it includes such additions as cinnamon, unsweetened chocolate (or cocoa powder), and allspice. This chili is also typically less spicy, usually topped with tons of cheddar, and is served over spaghetti. This dish was the creation of Macedonian immigrants whose restaurant in Cincinnati was doing poorly because the mostly Germanic population wasn’t particularly excited to eat Greek-style food. So, in an attempt to try something new, the restaurant owner, Tom Kiradjieff,tried to modify a traditional Middle Eastern stew with ingredients more suited to the American palate. His “spaghetti chili” was born and has been wildly popular in Ohio ever since.

Prep time: 2-3 cocktails

2 TBSP olive oil

1 large onion, chopped

6 cloves garlic, minced

2 15-ounce cans beans (black, pinto, or red), drained

1 28-ounce can crushed or diced tomatoes

1/3 cup TVP (textured vegetable protein--available at any natural grocer)

1 cup water

2 TBSP Worcestershire sauce

1 TBSP white vinegar

1.5 tsp salt

1 TBSP sugar

1.5 TBSP cocoa powder (unsweetened)

A few dashes cayenne

1 TBSP chili powder

1 TBSP ground cumin

1 tsp allspice

1 tsp cinnamon

¼ tsp ground cloves

4 bay leaves

8 ounces dry spaghetti

1 scant cup additional onion, chopped (optional)

Cheddar cheese, grated (as much or little as you want)

In a Dutch oven or large saucepan, heat the oil over medium high heat. When hot, add the large onion and garlic. Sauté, stirring frequently, until the onion becomes a bit transparent—about 5 minutes. Add all remaining ingredients EXCPET the last three (cheese, optional diced onion, and spaghetti). Bring to a boil, stirring frequently, then reduce to a simmer and cover. Simmer for at least 90 minutes, removing the lid periodically and stirring. This dish should have the consistency somewhere between regular chili and marinara sauce, so add more water as you go, if necessary.

When the chili is about 15 minutes from completion, prepare the spaghetti.

To serve, put the spaghetti on a plate, top with a generous amount of chili, then a big pinch from the additional scant cup of onions (if using), and finish with cheddar cheese. In Cincinnati, they top it with prodigious amounts of cheese—as much as the plate will hold. That might be excessive for some (myself included), so a medium-sized handful may be preferable. 

Meatless Louisiana Red Beans

How could you not love a food that was supposedly invented by a gaggle of people with such a drinking problem that by the time Monday morning rolled around, this was all they were able to stomach? That's the tale behind this dish. The fine citizens of New Orleans have served red beans on Mondays for generations because by the time the weekend was over, this was the only food up to the task of soaking up all those Sazeracs. Note that cooking beans takes a looooong time--about 8 hours at my altitude (though a pressure cooker reduces this time to minutes) plus soaking the beans overnight. But cooking this dish from scratch is well worth it! So go fix yourself a French 75 and get into the kitchen! Serve with dirty rice. 

Prep time: 1 cocktail

1 pound dry red beans

1 large green pepper, chopped 

1 medium onion, chopped 

5 medium stalks celery chopped 

8 cloves garlic, minced

1 ounce Tabasco sauce (ONLY use Tabasco, no other hot sauce is acceptable)

6-8 bay leaves

1 tsp black pepper

2 tsp Cajun seasoning

1 tomato, minced (optional)

2-3 tsp salt (to taste)

1 TBSP soy sauce

Vegetarian Andouille, Kielbasa, or other spicy sausage (optional) 

Slow method: rinse beans and soak in cold water overnight before cooking. Fast method: Instead of soaking overnight, rinse beans and throw in a pot of boiling water. Boil for 3-4 minutes. Remove from heat and let sit for at least 2 hours. Discard water.

Next, cover the beans in a pot with fresh water and bring to boil. Then add all other ingredients except salt and soy sauce. Reduce heat to a gentle boil and cover. Stir occasionally until beans are soft, adding more water if necessary.

Stir in salt and soy sauce. Adjust salt and seasoning, as needed. Toss in your faux sausage, if using and cook a few more minutes. Serve over rice.

The World's Most Amazing Vegetarian Cuban Black Beans

I was going to wax poetic for paragraphs about how wonderful these beans are, about how they have the potential to bring about world peace, about how they would delight even the most hardened serial murderer, and how, if there is ever a cure for cancer, it will likely involve this recipe in some way. But rather than ramble on at length about how good this is, I outsourced the job to Erin. Here's her take:

You might think "black beans, so what?" What's the point of spending time making beans from scratch when you can easily open a can? Who would ever know the difference? Wrong. Just...totally wrong. These are completely worth the time and I would challenge you to disagree once you've tried them. I have sampled black beans in almost every country in Central America, and these are seriously the most delicious I have ever tasted. The flavor is amazing, the sofrito is perfect. There is just enough kick to injure your enemy, but not cause any permanent damage. You'll probably want to put these on everything; don't let anyone try to stop you. Best beans ever. It doesn't hurt that the chef is pretty darn cute too.

Prep time: 2 cocktails

1 pound dry black beans

3 bay leaves

2 large bell peppers (green, red or one of each), coarsely chopped

1 large onion, coarsely chopped

1 bunch of cilantro, chopped

2 Jalapeños, coarsely chopped

¼ cup olive oil

1 tsp ground cumin

1 TBSP dried oregano

1 TBSP salt

2 tomatoes, finely chopped (optional)

¼ cup full-bodied red wine (shiraz, zinfandel, or cabernet sauvignon)

¼ cup balsamic vinegar

A few drops of liquid smoke (optional)

Soak the beans overnight. Drain and rinse well. Place beans in large Dutch oven with the bay leaves and top with water until beans are submerged. Bring the water to a boil on high heat. Reduce heat to maintain a gentle boil and cook the beans uncovered, stirring occasionally until beans soften—this can take all day, depending on your beans and elevation (you can prepare the beans in a pressure cooker to save a lot of time). As you cook, keep topping off the water when it drops below the beans.

While your beans are cooking, you want to make your sofrito. Sofrito is a simmered, fragrant sauce and a critical element in many Latin American cuisines. To whip it up, place the bell pepper, onion, cilantro and jalapeños in a food processor and process until everything’s broken down, but still a bit chunky—don’t make a smooth sauce. Next, over medium heat, warm up a large frying pan with the olive oil in it. When hot, add the bell pepper/onion mixture. Sauté, stirring frequently, for about 5 minutes. Next stir in the cumin, oregano, salt, and tomato (if using). Continue stirring frequently another 5 minutes. Viola! You just made sofrito. Remove from heat and have a rewarding sip of the cocktail you're enjoying.

When beans are almost completely cooked in the pot, add your sofrito, red wine, and balsamic vinegar. Stir frequently and cook another 30 minutes until the beans are fully cooked, you have the desired amount of liquid, and the flavors have all mingled. Adjust any seasoning and add a little liquid smoke to taste (if using) before serving.

Poor Man's Red Pepper Hummus

So as a purist, I used to scoff at people who advocated using peanut butter in hummus as a cost-cutting work-around of having to use tahini. Mostly, I saw these people as an inferior class who deserved little more than spiteful disregard.

Then I became one of them.

I was at a friend's house making some hummus and they didn't have tahini. After I was done with my too-loud passive-aggressive sighs and eyerolls, I finally gave in and used peanut butter and threw in a roasted bell pepper to liven things up. Turns out the peanut butter and bell pepper compliment each other magically and the hummus was among the best I've ever had. From proud purist to hummus heretic, I've fallen from my pedestal. And it couldn't be more delicious down here.

Prep time: 1 cocktail

1 large red bell pepper
15 ounce can garbanzo beans, drained
2 TBSP peanut butter
1 clove garlic, chopped
Juice of 1 lemon
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup good olive oil
2 TBSP water
Fresh ground black pepper

Preheat your oven to broil. Poke holes in the pepper with a fork and set it directly on the oven rack. Cook until the top gets totally charred, then rotate with the tongs so a non-burned side is facing up. repeat until the entire pepper is well-blackened. remove the pepper from the oven and place in a small paper bag. Seal the top of the paper bag well and let cool 15 minutes. When it's cool, take the pepper under cool running water and remove the charred skin from the flesh with your hands. Also remove the top, seeds, and innards. Discard everything but the flesh.

Combine the red bell pepper flesh and all the other ingredients in a food processor and puree super well.

Optional garnishes include additional olive oil, paprika, and minced parsley.

Roasted Red Bell Pepper (or just plain) Hummus

Simple, fast, delicious. That's about all I need to say about this one. Eat heartily and often. 

Prep time: 1/4 cocktail

1 can garbanzo beans, drained

Juice of 1 lemon

¼ cup tahini

1 clove garlic (no more)

¼ cup Italian flat-leaf parsley

½ tsp salt (or more to taste)

2 TBSP green onions

4 TBSP olive oil

1 roasted red bell pepper, seeds and skin removed (optional)

Combine all ingredients in food processor. Puree until smooth. It may be necessary to add some water or additional olive oil to reach your desired consistency.

Adjust if there is too little lemon or salt. Serve chilled.

Alternate recipe:

Omit parsley, bell pepper and green onion. Replace with a couple pinches each allspice and cumin. And maybe a touch of sugar. Prepare the same way.

Cowboy Beer Beans

So on a recent road trip to Utah, Emily and I picked up a 12-pack of of delicious, delicious, Pabst Blue Ribbon (it's the blue-collar hipster beer of choice). Poor move. In Utah, all the beer is Mormon-ified and our delicious beer turned out to be only 3.2 ABV. Lame. To make matters worse, we ended up not arriving at our camping destination until much later than expected. So we were stranded in the desert with a half case of warm, watery disappointment. In the end, we threw the beer back into the car, broke out our emergency camping whiskey reserve and brought the insipid brew home.

At home, I decided to cook some beans with most of the remaining beer (what still remains will go to unwanted house guests). Note that all this beer makes the beans pretty beerish (duh), so you could certainly use less beer and more water if you don't want a that big flavor. But I quite like it.

Also note that those carnivorous folks would benefit from swapping out the liquid smoke for ham hocks or bacon. Trust me on this one.

Prep time: 1/2 warm PBR (but it takes the beans a few hours to cook fully)

1 pound dried pinto beans
8-10 shitty beers
1 large onion, chopped
1/3 cup molasses
2 tsp dried mustard powder
3/4 tsp pepper
10 drops liquid smoke
1.5 TBSP soy sauce

Rinse beans and soak overnight. After soaking, strain the beans and throw into a pot with all the other ingredients except the soy sauce and bring to a boil. Continue cooking (covered or uncovered) at a low boil until the beans get nice and soft, stirring every once in a while. If your liquid all boils off, add water as needed. Once the beans are soft and there's not much liquid in the pot, stir in the soy sauce and cook a few more minutes. Adjust the soy sauce and/or molasses to taste.

Yehaw, pardner. You just made cowboy beans!

Muy Tasty Burrito Beans

These are a great all-purpose beans that are great in burritos, enchiladas, tamales, or as a side dish. You can use either black or pinto beans. I prefer pinto.

1 pound beans
4 tsp salt
5 tsp chili powder
3 tsp cumin
2 tsp garlic powder (not garlic salt)
2 tsp black pepper
2 TBSP vegetable oil

Do not presoak the beans. Combine all ingredients with water in a pot and bring to boil. Reduce to a simmer until beans are soft. Keep beans just covered with water all throughout the cooking time. Once beans are done, you can cook off any excess liquid to achieve the level of soupiness you like.

If you have a pressure cooker, you can make these a lot faster. Just follow your instruction manual.