Ridiculous Tofu Stroganoff

This recipe makes me happier than Vladimr Putin wrestling a bear with his shirt off! It's the height of vegetarian comfort food: elegant, balanced, rich. It's not something I'd eat every day... but I could. A meal fit for a Czar. Serve with vodka and liberal amounts of government suppression!

Prep time: 3 cocktails

Tofu:
2 TBSP vegetable oil
14 ounces extra-firm tofu, cut into 3/4" cubes
2 TBSP soy sauce
1 TBSP miso paste
1 TBSP Worcestershire
1/2 cup white wine
1/4 cup juice (apple, orange, pineapple are all fine options)

Sauce:
1 TBSP vegetable oil or butter
1 large onion, chopped
8 ounces crimini mushrooms, slices
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 TBSP brown sugar
2 TBSP tomato paste
1/2 cup white wine
1 cup veggie stock, store-bought or homemade
2 tsp dijon
scant 2 tsp lemon juice
1 TBSP soy sauce
1 cup sour cream (don't use nonfat)
1/3 tsp dill
1/3 tsp thyme
Black pepper

Other stuff:
8 ounces dried egg noodles or rotini
Finely minced Italian parsley or paprika for garnish, optional

Prepare noodles and set aside.

Once your noodles are started, get going on the tofu. Heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add tofu cubes and fry, flipping the tofu around with a spatula almost constantly until tofu is browned but not burned, about 10 minutes. Add all the remaining ingredients for the tofu. Continue stirring until all the liquid is absorbed/evaporated, about 4 minutes. Remove, transfer to a plate and put in the freezer until the cubes are cold (but not frozen).

Now time for the sauce. In a large dutch oven heat your 1 TBSP oil or butter over medium heat. Add onion and mushrooms and saute--covered--for 5 minutes.  Remove the lid and increase to medium-high and saute until the liquids have cooked off and the veggies are starting to brown, about 6-10 more minutes. Add garlic and brown sugar. Stir until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add tomato paste and cook another minute or two.

At this point you should have some stuff starting to stick to the bottom of the pan. Deglaze your pan with the white wine. and simmer for 3 minutes until it's mostly evaporated.

Stir in stock, dijon, lemon juice, soy sauce, sour cream, dill, and thyme. Simmer until you've about reached your desired thickness. Grind some black pepper and stir in along with your cooked noodles. Remove from heat and stir in tofu just enough so it's well distributed but no more. Garnish with parsley or paprika. Done!