Ever woken up and thought, "Gee, I really would love to give all this up to live in an overpriced apartment in Willamsburg where I can wear skinny jeans, ride a fixie, smoke American Spirits, and eat trendy artisanal pickled foods"?
Well grease up your fauxhawk, we're going to make what is absolutely the best and easiest pickled food known to humanity! Try it now, to hone your hipster cred before you drop that $7k deposit for the moldy, windowless basement room where you'll no doubt spend your best years in a PBR haze, frantically Googling "treatment for bedbugs." Because if your future life as a barista is going to suck, you should at least be able to eat well.
Prep time: 1/2 cocktail
1 head cauliflower, florets well broken up
6 Fresno chilies, sliced into thin rings
3 carrots, thinly cross cut at 45-degree angles
3 thin slices ginger
3/4 tsp whole cumin seed
1 1/2 tsp whole mustard seeds
3-4 cloves garlic, quartered
5 cups water
1 1/2 cup white vinegar
1 cup cider vinegar
2 1/2 TBSP salt
2 Pinches sugar
Tiny pinch turmeric (optional, if you want the cauliflower to take on a golden color)
1/2 onion, sliced into thin rings
Fill 3 one-quart jars with equal amounts of each of the pickle ingredients. In a saucepan, combine all the brine ingredients and bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Let it all boil for 1-2 minutes, then pour over the pickle ingredients, making sure to get about equal amounts of onion in each jar. Let the jars cool, then place in the refrigerator for 3 days before eating.