Vegan (or not) kimchi tuna melt

If you didn't already know, you can make a vegetarian tuna salad with mashed garbanzo means instead of tuna and the flavor profile and texture are almost identical. This takes the concept and elevates it more with kimchi. It's a kinda-healthy-kinda-indulgent, unique, delicious lunch!

Kimchi "tuna" salad:

1 cup kimchi, chopped up, retain the juices
1 15-ounce can garbanzo beans (or 2-3 cans tuna), drained
1/3 cup mayonnaise (vegan or non vegan)
1 TBSP rice vinegar
Dash of fish sauce (optional but highly recommended)
1-2 TBSP dijon or Korean mustard
2 celery ribs, chopped
2 scallions, sliced
1 1/2 tsp toasted sesame oil

3/4-1 tsp ginger grated with a microplane

Small handful sesame seeds, shelled sunflower seeds, or a combination

For the sandwiches:

Good sandwich bread (I recommend good artisnal sourdough, but any sandwich bread will do)
Cheese (vegan or normal): sharp cheddar, grueyere, or brie are all great options

Bonito flakes (nori strips are a good vegan substution)
Veggies (optional) (quick pickled carrots or cucumbers, sprouts, fried plantains, smashed avacado, or sliced jalepenos are all great)

Soft fried egg (optional)

Optional step: if kimchi has too much of a bite, you can caramelize it a little on the stovetop before making the "tuna" salad. This will sweeten and mellow the kimchi a fair amount. 

Combine garbanzos, mayo, vinegar, fish sauce, and mustard in a medium mixing bowl. Mash with a potato masher until you get a tuna salad consistency.

Stir in kimchi (caramelized or raw -- and don't forget the juices), celery, scallions, sesame oil, ginger, and seeds. Adjust flavors to taste. 

Make the sandwiches like any tuna melt: heat a skillet and brush bread with oil or some butter, add tuna salad and cheese and cook until bread is toasted and cheese is melted. 

Remove from heat, open sandwich up, add bonito flakes to taste, veggies, and egg (if using). Put the sandwich back together and enjoy!

The most legit vegetarian BBQ you're ever gonna find. Really.

This is a bit of a labor of love that I've been working on for a while now. While I normally avoid vegetarian facsimiles of meaty meals, this is an exception. Even as a vegetarian for decades, I still occasionally miss the smoky goodness of a pulled pork sandwich or the tangy richness of a brisket slow cooked all night then finished with homemade bbq sauce. Developing a good, realistic-tasting BBQ sandwich has been on my to-do list for a long time. So long, in fact, that I 'test kitchened' this recipe extensively the last few months, making literally dozens of different variations, until I landed on this, the ideal vegetarian bbq sandwich. It is smoky, tangy, rich, satisfying. 

Note that I also use homemade BBQ sauce for this. Just about every store-bought sauce is too sugary and without adequate vinegary bite to make this recipe work. So I don't recommend you use any store-bought BBQ sauce. 

You'll need some way to smoke some of your ingredients. You can obviously use a standalone outdoor smoker. I actually use an indoor smoker: the Nordic Ware kettle smoker. Don't own a smoker? NO PROBLEM! The internet is loaded with different ways to make your own homemade version. Most of these require little more than a Dutch oven with a heavy lid, some aluminum foil, a steamer basket or strainer, and smoker wood chips (available online or at any gourmet store or retailer that sells grilling supplies). It's easy to make either an outdoor version or a stovetop version for smoking inside.

Finally, you need to start this a day or so ahead of time, since you need to freeze and then thaw the tofu. Freezing it significantly changes the texture and ability to soak up the marinade, so this is a pretty essential step. 

This makes about 6 'brisket' sandwiches.

Prep time: 3 cocktails

Tofu + Marinade
1 15-ounce brick of tofu
3 TBSP orange juice

1 TBSP miso paste

2-3 TBSP canola oil
2 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
2 TBSP soy sauce
3 TBSP red wine

Several dashes of MSG or dried mushroom powder (optional)

~1/2 cup smoked walnuts (optional, see note below)

The BBQ sauce

6 TBSP butter 

1 cup of my Bold Boulder BBQ Sauce

2 tsp brown sugar

2 tsp agave or honey

Fixings

Buns

Grated high-end white cheddar

Chopped scallions

Pickled red onions (you can use any basic online recipe)

Additional optional toppings: coleslaw, chopped pickles, fresh or pickled jalepeno, thinly sliced fresh cucumber or radish, fried shallots, avocado pieces, and/or caramelized onions.

Note on walnuts: I like to add smoked walnuts to this for two reasons: the walnuts absorb a lot of flavor when smoked, so they turbocharge the flavor of the sandwiches. The walnuts also have a texture that mimics meat a little bit when chopped up and combined with tofu. It's not exact, but it is a nice addition. Walnuts should be dry smoked (so you cannot smoke them with the tofu). I've found that 20-30 minutes is usually plenty of time in my kettle smoker, but results will vary. After smoked, transfer smoked nuts to a food processor and pulse a few times until you have mostly little pieces halfway between the size of Nerds candy pieces or a bit smaller (don't overmix, or else you risk making smoked walnut butter). Add the walnuts to the tofu after the tofu is done cooking on the stovetop in the BBQ sauce. The amount you use isn't super important, but I usually start with about 3/4 cups of whole walnuts, which breaks down to about 1/2 cup of crumbles in the food processor. 

First, you'll need to freeze the tofu completley and then let it thaw out. This gives it a meatier texture and allows it to soak up the marinade.

Next, press the tofu for an hour or so in a tofu press or wrapped in a towel and placed under a heavy pan or books. After pressed, pat tofu dry and tear it apart with your hands into "pulled pork" or "shredded chicken"-like pieces. It won't be exactly the same, but you'll discover that the tofu has a grain that you can kind of work with to get pretty close. Don't shred the pieces so small that they won't be able to sit in the smoker without falling through the grates or holes (small bite-sized pieces is good). 

Now combine all the marinade ingredients EXCEPT the tofu and walnuts in a mixing bowl and whisk well. Combine tofu cubes and marinade in an airtight container and allow to marinade a minimum of 30 minutes and up to 24 hours, stirring gently occasionally, so as to not break up the tofu pieces.

Now smoke the tofu pieces. The method will vary depending on your smoker, so it may require some experimentation. For my Nordic Ware kettle smoker, I do a 60 minute "wet" smoke at 190F on the stovetop with hickory wood chips. The liquid I like to use for smoking is 2 cans of beer, which gives the tofu a bit of extra flavor, though water is fine too. Allow to cool to room temperature after smoking. Then transfer to a plate and chill completely in the refrigerator, uncovered.

Heat your oven to 300F.

OPTIONAL STEP:  This is to give the tofu a more meaty texture, if you want. After tofu has chilled in the refrigerator, spread pieces so they're not touching on a well-greased cookie sheet and bake for 15-30 minutes, or until they have become a little more toothsome and "meaty." Remove from oven and allow to cool, but leave the oven on at 300F, as you'll be using it again shortly.

Now make the sauce by melting the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Once melted, add the BBQ sauce, sugar, and agave/honey. Stir until everything gets hot and starts to simmer. Whisk it, or, ideally, use an immersion blender, until the sauce is fully integrated. Now add your cooled tofu pieces and stir very gently with a rubber spatula, so as to not break the tofu. Bring bbq sauce/tofu to a boil and remove from heat. Now stir in those walnut pieces, if using. 

Now build your sandwiches: take a standard size cookie sheet and line with foil. Put your ~6 bun bottoms on the pan and top with the bbq tofu mixture. Now top each sandwich with a couple generous pinches of white cheddar and place the pan uncovered in the oven (you can also put the bun tops in the oven to toast as well, if you want). 

Since tofu should already be warm, all you need to do is melt the cheese, so the sandwiches likely only need to be in the oven for a few minutes. Once the cheese is melted, remove from oven, add the scallions, pickled onions, and any of the optional ingredients you might also be using. Affix the top bun and enjoy!

Vegan Sloppy Joes

One of many foods I haven't been able to give up after childhood, Sloppy Joes have been a favorite comfort foods of mine for decades. The main difference now is that I typically enjoy it with a couple cold, crisp PBRs instead of chocolate milk. Progress. 

This recipe calls for textured vegetable protein, or TVP. You can find TVP in the bulk aisle of any natural food store. TVP is a fairly processed ingredient, so if you’re looking for something a little more natural, you can certainly substitute a couple cups cooked lentils, crumbled tempeh, or raw crumbled silken tofu for the prepared TVP, though the consistency won’t be quite as Sloppy-Joe-like.

Prep time: 2 cocktails

1 cup ketchup (homemade or store bought will do)
1 TBSP white vinegar
3 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
1 TBSP molasses
¾ tsp mustard powder
Lots of freshly ground pepper
1 TBSP soy sauce
20 drops of liquid smoke
¾ cup TVP
2 cups boiling water
3 TBSP olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
2 jalapenos, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
Whole wheat buns
Sliced avocado (optional)
Soft-fried eggs (optional)

Combine first 8 ingredients in a small mixing bowl and whisk well. Set aside.

In another mixing bowl, combine the TVP and boiling water. Then stir, cover, and set aside for TVP to fully hydrate.

In a large skillet or wok, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion, jalapenos, and bell peppers and sauté until onion turns transparent and peppers soften a bit, about 7 minutes. Add garlic and sauté another 3-4 minutes, stirring frequently.

Strain out excess water from the TVP with a mesh strainer.

Now add the sauce mixture from the first mixing bowl and stir well. Once it reaches a boil, add TVP. Reduce heat a bit and continue to simmer, stirring frequently, until you have reached proper Sloppy Joe consistency—usually about 5 minutes. Serve hot on buns with optional avocado slices and/or egg. Beer or chocolate milk are both great accompaniments. 

The Most Amazing Tempeh Ruben Ever. Really.

We need to have a talk. Just you and me. You know how foodies and snobs with blogs like this are always telling you to spend a half a paycheck on the best, freshest ingredients or else your meals will be crap? You know how you always ignore us because you've got more pressing priorities than to hand over 20 bucks to Whole Foods for a jar of artisanal mustard? Well, this is the one time I have to be firm. If you take the cheap way out, your sandwiches will suck. Trust me. They'll be like the soggy, tasteless lump that passes for a tempeh Ruben at the dive sandwich shop over by the university in your town. But if you spring the extra 10 bucks for top-quality bread, cheese, and sauerkraut and take the extra 3 minutes to make your Russian dressing from scratch, these will be the best vegetarian sandwiches you've ever had. Really.

So what should you buy? First, with the bread, don't buy the pre-packaged, 2-week-old rye sandwich bread at the supermarket. Instead go to your local bakery and get a loaf of real, fresh, amazing rye bread (I prefer the sauerkraut rye that our local Whole Foods makes). Now with the cheese: no crappy tasteless 'Swiss.' Find a cheesemonger or at least a store with a good selection and grab a hunk of high-quality Jarlsberg or Emmentaler. No off-brand shit or pre-sliced garbage allowed. I know it's an extra three bucks. You'll thank me later. Finally, the sauerkraut. No canned stuff. Ideally you have homemade in your refrigerator (recipe here). If not, don't get anything from a can or jar at the store that's unrefrigerated. Sauerkraut is a living food, and processing it to stay 'good' on a store shelf kills a lot of the nutrients and much of the flavor. Instead, head to the refrigerated section to find a jar or package of sauerkraut that hasn't been heat processed. I know it's also a bit more expensive, but it's infinitely better.

The other critical key is that we're actually cooking the tempeh in a corning brine. So it really does a great job of providing the corned beef flavor that you expect in a Ruben but it's a step that most restaurants that sell tempeh Rubens don't bother with. Believe me, it's well worth the (small) additional effort!

There. I just saved you from miserable Rubens. Aren't you glad we had this little chat?

Prep time: 2 cocktails

Brine:
1/2 cup + 2 TBSP apple cider vinegar
3/4 cup water
2 tsp ground allspice
5 juniper berries
1 tsp whole black peppercorns
1 tsp whole mustard seeds
1 teaspoon paprika
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 TBSP brown sugar
2 bay leaves

Sauce:
1/3 cup mayonnaise (store-bought or homemade)
2 TBSP ketchup
2 TBSP sweet pickle relish
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp prepared horseradish (not some dumpy 'horseradish sauce'; it should have few other ingredients besides salt and vinegar)
1 tsp Worcestershire
Several (or more) grinds black pepper
A few dashes Tabasco sauce (optional)

The rest:
4 TBSP canola or vegetable oil
2 8-ounce packages tempeh
Sauerkraut, high-quality (refrigerated section) store-bought or homemade
Emmentaler or Jarlsberg cheese, sliced
Rye bread, fresh from local bakery--no tasteless prepackaged rye sandwich bread!
Butter, melted

Slice the tempeh in half lengthwise. Now place it on it's side and gently slice each slab into 1/2 the original thickness. A very sharp knife helps. (In general, you have to treat the tempeh gently in this recipe gently to avoid breaking it. Though if you do end up with a couple broken pieces, it's not the end of the world.)

Whisk together all the brine ingredients in very large frying pan (12 inches). Bring to boil over medium-high heat. Gently lay the tempeh slabs in the brine and simmer until 1/2 the liquid is absorbed. Gently flip tempeh and cook until remainder of liquid is cooked off.  Immediately transfer tempeh to a plate to cool.

While tempeh cools, combine all the ingredients for the sauce and whisk well. Put sauce in refrigerator or freezer to get a bit colder and thicken up.

Clean and dry the pan you cooked the tempeh in. Add oil and heat pan over medium to medium-high heat until the oil shimmers. Gently lay the tempeh in the pan and saute a few minutes until bottoms are a bit browned. Flip, repeat, and transfer to a plate.

Now take a new clean frying pan or clean and dry the one you've been using and heat it over medium-low heat. Build the sandwiches by brushing butter on one side of each slice of your bread. Then with the buttered sides facing out, layer the cheese, sauerkraut, and tempeh. Transfer to the frying pan and cook until the bread is toasted on both sides and the cheese is melted--just like you're making a grilled cheese.  Remove from pan, open up and add sauce. Now enjoy the best damn meatless Ruben on earth!

Faux Jamaican Jerk Chicken Sandwiches

This sandwich is great hot or cold, in summer or winter and whether you’re looking to eat light or if you have the appetite of a linebacker. For a less exotic (but still pretty delicious) recipe, you can omit the fruit altogether and substitute a couple slices of jack cheese and use blue cheese dressing instead of lime-poppy seed dressing. 

Recipe makes 6-8 sandwiches

Prep time: 1 cocktail

6 TBSP olive or vegetable oil

1 medium onion, sliced into thin rings or half rings

1-2 bell peppers, sliced into thin strips (color doesn’t matter)

2 8-ounce packages seitan, unflavored/traditional, rinsed and patted dry

10 cloves garlic, minced

2/3 cup jerk paste (or to taste) (click here for recipe)

2 TBSP soy sauce

1 tsp cayenne (or more to taste), optional

¼ cup plain, full-fat yogurt

Hoagie or Kaiser bread

2 mango, peeled and cut into silver-dollar-sized hunks or strips (or chunks of pineapple)

A batch of ime-poppy seed dressing (click here for recipe)

Add half the oil to pan on medium high heat. As the oil warms up, break the seitan into bite-size chunks, if necessary. Toss in the seitan in the hot pan and saute until the outside gets a bit browned and crispy on the edges, about 6 minutes. Then, transfer to some paper towels and pat excess oil off. Let cool. 

While seitan cooks (or while it cools), heat the remaining oil in another frying pan. Add onion and bell pepper. Sauté until onion becomes translucent and pepper softens, about 7-10 minutes. Add garlic and sauté another 3 minutes. Add jerk, soy sauce, and cayenne. Sauté another couple minutes. Stir in yogurt and simmer another minute. Remove from heat and stir in seitan.

Salt seitan/veggie mixture to taste. If you’re having the sandwich hot, lightly toast the bun or bread. Make sandwiches with a heap of the veggie/seitan mixture, a few pieces of mango, and a healthy drizzle of lime poppy seed sauce.

Banh Mi: Imperialism never tasted so good!

Banh Mi is one of the happiest things to ever come out of the colonial era. Banh Mi is a very popular sandwich in Vietnam, but is heavy with French influences—most notably baguette, mayonnaise and pate (I use marinated, roasted portabellas). The Vietnamese components include pickled carrot and daikon, cilantro, and hot peppers.

One critical consideration is to use really good bread. A couple real nice crusty 8-inch baguettes (cut into 4-inch sections) are great, as are four high-quality French rolls. Whole grain is a great choice, but white is also delicious. You can toast the bread right before you use it or go untoasted. In Vietnam, they actually use a rice baguette, but I find making these from scratch a real hassle.

Finally, it is important that you use real mayonnaise for this dish. Homemade is ideal, and only takes a minute to prepare. Store bought mayo will make an acceptable substitute, though. No lite mayo, Miracle Whip of other bullshit allowed on this sandwich. Seriously.

Prep time: 1 cocktail (not including marinating time)

1/3 cup white vinegar
¼ cup white sugar
2 cups carrot, daikon radish, or a combination of the two, julienned
2 TBSP peanut or olive oil
3 TBSP rice vinegar
3 TBSP brown sugar
2 TBSP Braggs or tamari (plus additional for topping)
3 cloves garlic, minced
Juice of 1 lime
1 TBSP Siracha
2 whole portabella mushroom caps
Baguette bread or 4 French rolls
Mayonnaise (recipe for homemade mayo is here)
Sliced cucumber
1 medium jalapeño, chopped into thin wheels
Leaves from ½ bunch cilantro

Combine the white vinegar, white sugar, and a half cup of hot water in a small mixing bowl and whisk until the sugar is completely dissolved. Add carrots and daikon and set aside to infuse at least 1 hour (overnight is ideal). This will create a delicious pickled carrot/daikon mixture.

In another small mixing bowl, combine peanut oil, rice vinegar, brown sugar, Braggs, garlic, lime juice, and Siracha. Whisk well. Now poke a few holes in the top of each portabella cap and place the mushrooms along with this marinade into a Zip-Lock bag. Gently shake up the contents to ensure the portabellas get thorough marinated. Let stand for at least an hour, though overnight is ideal.

Preheat oven to 400. Bake the mushrooms directly on the oven rack until they become tender, juicy, and cooked through—about 10-12 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool completely.

Now it’s time to build the sandwiches. Cut your bread lengthwise, but not all the way through (you want a hot dog bun-style piece of bread). Smear a generous amount of mayo on the sides, then load it up with strips of mushroom, drained pickled carrot/daikon, cucumber, jalapeño, and cilantro leaves. Finish it off with a few extra drops of Braggs and ENJOY!