Vegan Jambalaya Jubilee!

I've never been a fan of vegetarian or vegan jambalaya. Even as a nearly-lifelong vegetarian, I fully appreciate that there are a few things out there that cannot be effectively replicated without meat. A decent burger, my mom's porcupine meatball recipe, and jambalaya are a few examples of foods I've missed since ditching meat when I was 13 or so. But that's all changing with really decent fake meats now on the market. Beyond and Impossible have really made the last few carnivorous recipes that were previously missing in my life now within reach. Between the faux sausage and some saffron offering a wonderful shrimp-ish umami, this is the bast damn meatless jambalaya I've had -- by far!

5 TBSP canola or avocado oil, divided
1 1/2 medium onions, chopped
4 stalks celery, chopped
1/2 green or red bell pepper, chopped
1 pinch saffron
1/2 tsp ground cumin
2 tsp Cajun seasoning
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp black pepper
6 cloves garlic minced
2 TBSP Tabasco sauce
3 1/2 cups veggie stock, store bought or homemade
2 tsp Maggi or browning sauce
1 1/2 cup parboiled rice
10 oz faux chicken breast strips
3 spicy Beyond sausages, sliced into ~1/2 inch half moons
1 can artichoke hearts, drained and cut up a bit, optional
Worcestershire sauce, optional

Heat 3 TBSP oil over medium heat in a large saute pan or dutch oven that has a lid. Once hot, add onion, celery, and bell pepper. Saute, stirring occasionally, until the veggies get fairly well caramelized (but not burned), about 20 minutes.

While the veggies are cooking, boil a small amount of water. Add a few TBSP of this water to the saffron in a small bowl and let it steep.

Once the veggies are a little caramelized, add the cumin, Cajun seasoning,  paprika, black pepper, and garlic. Saute 2 more minutes, stirring often.

Now add saffron and the steeping water, Tabasco sauce, stock, and Magi/browning sauce. Bring to a boil, then add rice, cover, and reduce to a simmer. Cook until the rice is tender and liquid is absorbed, about 20 minutes.

While rice is cooking, add the remaining 2 TBSP oil to a large frying pan on medium heat. Once the oil shimmers, Add the faux chicken and sausage. Saute, stirring occasionally, until the cheat meat is browned in spots and fragrant, but not burned.

Now, back to the rice: once it is done, stir/fluff with a fork and taste. Adjust spices, salt, and/or add Worcestershire sauce to taste. Stir in artichokes (if you're using) as well.

Right before you serve, toss the rice with the meats. Eat and enjoy your delightful meatless meaty dinner!

Vegetarian Gumbo Done Right!

To many Louisianans, gumbo without shrimp or meat is as sacrilegious as getting ticketed for an open container violation or tolerating somebody shit-talking the Saints. Unthinkable. However, by subbing in some saffron and liquid smoke (along with a healthy dose of other seasonings), this recipe might not just compete with traditional gumbo, this might beat it outright. Just be prepared for the startled compliments you will receive from your stunned Southern friends when you serve this. 

Most gumbos start with a roux, but I choose not to. That said, you can certainly add 1/4 cup oil and 1/4 cup flower to start a roux which you'd add the sautéed veggies and stock to once they're combined and the roux is ready. You can also go the traditional route and include okra--I'm just not a huge fan, so I leave it out.

Also, don't skip the saffron. I know it's expensive. But it's critical in creating a rich gumbo flavor, so get over it. 

Goes great with red beans and dirty rice.

Prep time: 1 cocktail

4 TBSP olive oil

1 large onion, chopped

1 bell pepper, chopped

5 stalks celery, chopped

10 cloves garlic, minced

8 ounces tempeh, crumbled

2-3 cups veggie stock, store-bought or homemade

2 bunches kale, stems removed and shredded

1 1/2 tsp Cajun seasoning

1 pinch saffron threads

1 TBSP Tabasco sauce

cayenne to taste

Salt and pepper to taste

1 28-ounce can tomatoes, chopped

1 TBSP Thyme

6 bay leaves

10 drops liquid smoke (or a bit more to taste)

Black eyed peas, drained and rinsed (optional)

Heat the oil over medium-high heat and add onion, pepper, celery, garlic, and tempeh. Saute until veggies soften up and onion is translucent, about 6 minutes. Continue cooking another minute beyond this and then add all other ingredients. Bring back to a boil and reduce heat. Simmer like this for at least 15 minutes, stirring frequently. Adjust water/stock, if you want it brothier.

Filthy, Dirty Rice

Dirty rice is a Creole dish that gets that name because it is traditionally speckled with chicken liver and giblets. Er, no thanks. Instead, I opt for a hearty combination of cajun spices to give this dish some serious kick. But fear naught, dear reader! This substitution sacrifices nothing in terms of authenticity or awesomeness. In fact, if anything, it makes my recipe superior to the giblet-centric version, thus making it not just dirty rice but filthy, dirty rice! Maybe even despicable, grimy, filthy, dirty rice. How could you not want to make that for your family?! 

Serve with meatless Louisiana red beans. 

Prep time: 1 cocktail

3 TBSP olive oil, divided

2+ cloves garlic

½ cup chopped onion

3-5 stalks celery, chopped

½ green bell pepper, chopped

1 cup uncooked brown rice

1-2 Tomatoes

1.5 cups water

¾ tsp ground thyme

¾ tsp oregano

¾ tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

½ tsp cayenne (or more to taste)

1 TBSP Cajun seasoning

3-5 bay leaves

Heat 1 TBSP of oil and add the garlic and onion, sauté a couple minutes Add celery and pepper and sauté another couple minutes. Remove from heat.

In separate saucepan with lid, heat the remaining 2 Tbsp olive oil over medium high heat. Add rice and stir very frequently until the rice turns nice and toasty brown.

Add vegetable mixture, tomatoes, water, all spices, and bay leaves to the rice. Bring to a boil, then cover and reduce to a simmer. Cook until the rice is done (45 minutes-1 hour). Remove and let rest, covered, a couple minutes, fluff with a fork and adjust seasoning to taste.

Meatless Louisiana Red Beans

How could you not love a food that was supposedly invented by a gaggle of people with such a drinking problem that by the time Monday morning rolled around, this was all they were able to stomach? That's the tale behind this dish. The fine citizens of New Orleans have served red beans on Mondays for generations because by the time the weekend was over, this was the only food up to the task of soaking up all those Sazeracs. Note that cooking beans takes a looooong time--about 8 hours at my altitude (though a pressure cooker reduces this time to minutes) plus soaking the beans overnight. But cooking this dish from scratch is well worth it! So go fix yourself a French 75 and get into the kitchen! Serve with dirty rice. 

Prep time: 1 cocktail

1 pound dry red beans

1 large green pepper, chopped 

1 medium onion, chopped 

5 medium stalks celery chopped 

8 cloves garlic, minced

1 ounce Tabasco sauce (ONLY use Tabasco, no other hot sauce is acceptable)

6-8 bay leaves

1 tsp black pepper

2 tsp Cajun seasoning

1 tomato, minced (optional)

2-3 tsp salt (to taste)

1 TBSP soy sauce

Vegetarian Andouille, Kielbasa, or other spicy sausage (optional) 

Slow method: rinse beans and soak in cold water overnight before cooking. Fast method: Instead of soaking overnight, rinse beans and throw in a pot of boiling water. Boil for 3-4 minutes. Remove from heat and let sit for at least 2 hours. Discard water.

Next, cover the beans in a pot with fresh water and bring to boil. Then add all other ingredients except salt and soy sauce. Reduce heat to a gentle boil and cover. Stir occasionally until beans are soft, adding more water if necessary.

Stir in salt and soy sauce. Adjust salt and seasoning, as needed. Toss in your faux sausage, if using and cook a few more minutes. Serve over rice.